Everyone remembers when they had the birds and the bees talking to their parents (if they had any!) and it was always a little weird and awkward. Sex can be an uncomfortable topic, but one mom wants to change that, and all the stigmatizing, sexist rhetoric surrounding it.
She wants her daughter to have a healthy relationship with her sexuality and her sexual relationships with others. So she came up with three rules that her daughter should follow when she’s ready to be intimate with someone, and spoiler alert: none of them have to do with love.
“I’ve said it before, my mom was an amazing mom…and she still is. She just talks about things in the most incredible way that makes you feel comfortable and also expands your worldview . I can’t think of a better example than how she talked to me about sex,” Sarah Biggs-Stewart explained in her TikTok video.
“Her sex talk was unlike any sex talk I’d ever heard from my friends, and it changed my life. I think it was really important to me, and I think it explains a lot of why I’m with Intimacy maintains a very healthy relationship, and why I haven’t had any sexual experiences that I regretted that I had control over.
Biggs-Stewart continued, noting that her mom covered the basics of safe sex (using protection, etc.), but she wanted to make one thing clear: Sex does no Always equals love.
“…she said, ‘Sarah, a lot of people your age, and even as they get older, associate sex with love. They think love is always involved, and sometimes it is. Often, it’s true. Right. Like you’re in a relationship with someone you care about, but that’s not always the case. So when you think about having sex with someone, “Do I love this person?” “That wasn’t the right question,” she recalled.
Instead, she wants her daughter to ask herself these three questions: Am I safe? Am I respected? Do I respect myself?
“Am I safe? Am I in a safe environment with safe people using condoms and birth control? That’s more objective, right? Second, am I respected? It can also be flipped to, “Do I respect this person? “Because am I respected? She means, is this person someone I trust to share this vulnerable experience with me? Do they respect me enough to earn that right,” she said.
“It doesn’t necessarily mean you’ve known them a long time, it doesn’t necessarily mean there’s love or that you know them well. But I think we all know that sometimes you can determine that answer very quickly.
“Last but not least, do I respect myself? That’s the most important thing. This is where people lose themselves,” she said. “Can you wake up tomorrow and feel at least neutral, but ideally Happy, content, proud of the decisions you make and how you make them? If the answer to all three questions is yes, then go ahead and let me tell you that conversation changed mine. When it comes to life, I mean it!
Okay, that’s perfect for me. will I steal this when I “talk” to my own daughter. Several other TikTok users felt the same way.
“This explains a lot why your mom’s content is different. Love it,” one user wrote.
“👏 As a woman whose mom won’t even talk to me about sex. Thank you! 🙏 I will share this with my daughter,” said another.
“Oh no. I was judged harshly. Trying to break the cycle with my own daughter. Your mom is amazing 💜” said one user.
Another noted: “Yeah. It makes a big difference. Instead, I have religious trauma and not a healthy relationship. 🙃But, at least I can pass this wisdom on to my nieces. 💕”
“10/10 Mom. I also suggest talking about happy feelings is something you can do on your own – it doesn’t require 🟰 love and it doesn’t require a partner. ❤️,” another pointed out.
