It’s no secret that kids have overscheduled schedules these days—and I get it. We want our children to experience all that life has to offer. Sometimes, to help them find what they really enjoy, we have to let them do a lot of activities. But when does trying all this cause harm to a child?
When our kids are little, it’s exciting to get them involved in all the activities we did as kids (even the ones we never had the chance to do), such as dance, music, soccer, or karate. We continued to sign them up until, suddenly, they had activities every day of the week, interspersed with Saturday mornings.
Children need free time
According to Children’s Hospital of Orange County (CHOC), children need “free time.”1 This might mean letting them roam freely around the home, taking a walk in nearby nature, or having dinner with the family. Basically, it’s something that your child doesn’t have scheduled or organized outside of the home.
Of course, this unstructured time does require some structure. Dr. Heather Huszti, a pediatric psychologist at CHOC, says letting children lie on the couch all afternoon watching TV or playing video games isn’t the answer.1 With so many rules, it can be hard for us parents to find the balance between scheduling activities and keeping the kids off the couch.
Event pressure is building
My kids are still young, so there’s not that much pressure to get them into clubs and sports. But as my oldest entered elementary school, I felt it building up. “We’re signing up for gymnastics; you should join us!” said a friend. “We’re going to play soccer this year; I want to make sure she plays sports while she’s still young. My daughter is five and doesn’t know what she likes yet. What not to like. The urge to sign her up and see what happens is definitely there!
But once I check out every activity nearby, I’ll take a deeper look at our weekend. Saturday can be a very busy day – with swim lessons, play dates and dinner with extended family; we may be away from home all day. My child can become fussy, overtired, and agitated over little things. They seemed almost relieved when we woke up Sunday morning without any plans. Yes, they may complain that they are bored for a few minutes. But soon they began to play happily and contentedly.
The same goes for after school. I would have loved to have attended an after-school activity, played together, or eaten ice cream before heading home. However, the inevitable 6pm crash was always a certainty. Bedtime seems easier when we go straight home, take a shower, and let the kids relax and play. I will keep these lessons in mind when I start to feel the pressure of activity increase. Of course, I want my kids to experience everything. However, that doesn’t mean my 5-year-old needs to experience gymnastics and softball and Girl Scouts all complete it in one year. I took a deep breath and reminded myself that there was still time for all of this.
Prioritize your child’s mental health
As a society, we often feel like time is fleeting. But if my child hadn’t started dancing by the time she was three, I don’t think I would have ruined her chances of becoming a talented dancer. If she hadn’t played soccer when she was four, I doubt I would have caused her to miss out on making the team in high school. There is too much pressure on parents to do it all at once. Unfortunately, when we do this, the stress we feel is passed on to our children. Research shows that children with overscheduled schedules often experience higher rates of anxiety. While these studies focused on older children, overscheduling at any age can lead to feelings of anxiety and restlessness.2
I want my children to prioritize their mental health, which goes hand in hand with understanding the importance of relaxing or doing nothing without guilt. I don’t want them to feel guilty for spending time reading or napping on the couch when they feel tired in the middle of the day. Plus, throwing them from activity to activity takes away from the quality family time I miss as they get older.
All this shows that I insist on doing extracurricular activities once a year. This year, my youngest is choosing ballet and my oldest wants to study drama. Instead of devoting part of themselves to multiple things, they can devote all of themselves to one activity and one day a week in their schedule. They spend the other days of the week relaxing, finding new ways to kill boredom, and engaging in much-needed family time when possible. As they get older, my opinion on this may change. But now, no, I won’t be joining you in gymnastics – maybe next year!
