I’ll admit it: I’ve never been one to go to the doctor. Of course, during each of my pregnancies, I longed for regular prenatal appointments at the OB-GYN office, which included an ultrasound of my baby. Beyond that, I’m afraid of inspections. Stepping on the scale, the uncomfortable exam, the script of the murder. . . Not what I like.
After each child? My desire to step into that office diminished even more. Until I changed providers and stuck with one that made me feel like I was still human and worthy of being treated. To my obstetricians and everyone else who treats patients like me with the care and concern that all moms should experience: thank you. for you.
A letter to my OB
Dear doctor-whoever sees me,
I know this may come as a surprise, but I’m starting to think about actually showing up for my appointments. I may have a history of rescheduling said dates at the last minute when I can’t muster the courage to face my demons, but I’ve come to realize that you are indeed a member of my team. I’m very grateful for that.
After another doctor delivered my first child, I knew I couldn’t be with her anymore. Although she was very skilled at her job in the delivery room (or operating room in my case), I can’t say that I was just another number to her. Another pregnant woman, another surgery in the book, another postpartum mom who just needed a prescription for anti-anxiety medication and a quick “You’re all set!” on my way out the door.
But the truth is – as you reminded me – I am more than just a number. I’m not just a mom who was moved at her first eight-week appointment. I wasn’t just a new mom (although this all still felt new) who needed a one-size-fits-all recovery plan. As we discussed, I am valuable and worthy of everything I need and one day, I will find I again. I appreciate you reminding me of that.
I appreciate your reminder to be easy on myself. Giving myself grace to deal with the challenges I have faced and will continue to face. Because in the spirit of keeping it real, postpartum doesn’t end in just six weeks after birth. I am so grateful for you cheering me on during this seemingly never-ending marathon and bringing me back to myself. Begging me to make time for myself, date my spouse, and take care of myself first. To remind me, I should Still number one on my priority list. And reminds me to pursue my own sense of identity. I’m grateful you can see me.
I’m grateful for your reassurance that what I’m going through is normal. Not everyone loses baby weight while breastfeeding. My body is phenomenal, incredible, and performs exactly as it should in everything it accomplishes. Extra weight doesn’t last forever, even if it does. . . It doesn’t matter. Because motherhood looks different for everyone and looks different exist Everyone. As you reminded me, it doesn’t matter. All is well. Everything will be like this.
I am so grateful for your applause for the progress I have made in my breastfeeding journey. More importantly, I’m equally grateful that you encouraged me not to feel guilty about stopping at any given moment. (I swear, that time is coming.) Granted, I desperately needed to regain my sleep, my sanity, and my body. I’m grateful you were there begging me to take mine backOwn.
I appreciate you being there to remind me that there is no reason to be proud of my new look this season. As a person, as a woman, as a wife, as a mother. I’m grateful you were there to remind me that I change with each new chapter of this story because I hypothesis But at the same time, I’m reminded that it’s okay to try to get back the parts of me I once knew. I’m grateful that you were there to fight for me.
You see, dear OB, I’m so grateful that you got to see me – for my own sake, though. Not just because I haven’t returned to normal hormones yet. Not just the number on the scale. Not just because I refuse any form of birth control due to baby fever. Not just for my postpartum anxiety. Not just because I bring my emotions into your office and wear them on my sleeve time and time again. Not for any of it.
For all of this, dear OB, I want to thank you. We moms all need, deserve, and deserve providers like you.
Sincerely,
A patient who will be forever grateful to have found you
