Let’s face it. . . None of us are perfect, not ourselves and certainly not our children. As children grow and develop, it is normal for children to engage in challenging or naughty behaviors. Being bossy or rude, talking back, and being selfish are completely normal parts of childhood.5,6,7 Kids don’t come with instruction manuals, so it can be difficult for us adults to navigate our children’s changing behaviors as they enter new stages of development. Maintaining our discipline can also be difficult when we have so many other things to contend with. If we are not “alert,” things can easily go off the rails, and innocent, typical childhood behaviors can become problematic. So, how do you tell if your child is just “normal” or is being spoiled or a “brain”?
Signs You May Have a Baby on Your Hands
“Kid” is not a diagnosis or label, but it is often thought of as a child who is ill-mannered, immature, or behaves badly.1 If you can identify the following early signs, you can address them before their behavior becomes too ingrained. Here are some clues that you may have a spoiled child or a “brain”:2,3
- loose the temper: These are not to be confused with meltdowns or physical/emotional overwhelm, which may be developmentally normal or related to certain diagnoses or sensory sensitivities. We’re talking about temper tantrums thrown over minor issues, or temper tantrums used strategically to try to force things to go their way.
- Require: Naughty behavior looks like a child insisting on getting what they want, when They want it. They often act without regard to the needs of others around them.
- Awarded: Children with bad tempers may believe they are entitled or deserve special treatment. They often expect people to cater to their needs and whims, with little reciprocity.
- rule? What rules? Spoiled children often ignore rules in all settings (home, school, etc.). This usually means they don’t respect boundaries or other people.
- manipulate: If your child uses their emotions, behaviors, or other tactics to make you feel guilty or change your rules, boundaries, etc., this may be a red flag that they are engaging in manipulative behavior.
What to do if you raise a child
If you notice any of the above behaviors, you must reflect on your parenting style and how it contributes to your child’s naughtiness. But don’t panic; there are many effective strategies that can help guide your child toward more prosocial and positive behaviors. For example:2,3
1. Be consistent
If you think your child is a brat, one thing you can do is make sure your child knows what is expected of you. If you respond consistently, they will know what behavior is acceptable (or not). Consistency also helps our children feel safe; when they feel safe, we are less likely to see challenging behaviors.8
2. Clear boundaries
Likewise, it’s important to set rules for children who act like brats. Children thrive when they have clear ideas, structure, and clear rules and boundaries. When you have firm, age-appropriate boundaries (and consequences), your child will know what is acceptable and how you will enforce or manage things when situations arise that violate clear rules.8
3. Limit material rewards
Overindulgence can lead to bad tempers.9 Although it may be tempting to reward your child for good behavior, this can reinforce the value of material items. So try sharing praise or asking your child how they can make a difference them Experience some of the amazing things they do. For example, don’t say “You won the game…”. . . Let’s go have ice cream! (reward), you might say, “Awesome! I’m so proud you won the race!” (praise) or “You trained hard. How did you feel about winning that race? (self-praise). Also There are many other (non-material) ways to share our children’s pride!
4. Understand delegation and submission
Many people misunderstand terms like “gentle parenting” and believe that children should have a say in everything or should not face consequences for bad behavior. But we can still empower our children and foster autonomy and independence without giving in to their every demand. For example, it’s okay if your child is angry because they didn’t get a toy at the store. You can support, validate, and acknowledge their emotions—a great example of gentle and positive parenting! But you will still stick to this boundary and not buy them toys. It’s okay for them to feel angry, but they can’t hurt someone physically or verbally because they didn’t get a toy.
5. Set a positive behavioral example
We are our children’s first teachers. Show them what you expect of them by showing kindness and compassion and handling big, uncomfortable feelings in a positive way. You will teach your child a lesson by simply imitating what you expect to see in them.
6. Teach them empathy
If your child is able to put themselves in someone else’s shoes, they will be better able to understand how their naughty behavior affects others. Empathy starts with knowing and understanding emotions. So teach your children lots of words for emotions, share your own feelings with them, and reflect on or name the feelings you see in your children and others. This is an important first step in teaching empathy!
When rude behavior can be a problem
It’s normal to be grumpy from time to time, but you may be wondering at what point does grumpy behavior become a problem. Here are some key signs that spoiled behavior may be more serious or may require further investigation:2,4
emotional outburst
Yes, breakouts are completely normal.10 However, if your child’s naughty or spoiled behavior is accompanied by strong emotional outbursts and difficulty controlling their emotions (or if their moods persist for a long time), you may want to investigate this further.
isolation
If your child is feeling lonely or isolated because their behavior is affecting their friendships or other significant relationships, it may be time for you to step in and fix the problem. Social isolation can also cause other problems, such as:11,12,13
- social anxiety
- Autism Spectrum Disorder (due to difficulty getting along with others)
- ADHD (self-regulation difficulties or impulse control challenges)
- Depression (isolation due to low mood, low motivation, and/or low self-esteem)
rude
If you notice this characteristic in your child, they may be at risk for a more serious problem. Chronic disrespect can make it difficult for your child to adjust to school, relationships, and even the workplace.
Lack of accountability and responsibility
If your child has difficulty taking on responsibilities (for themselves or even for their family), this may hold them back as they get older. As we grow, we take on more and more responsibilities to meet the challenges of adult life. Tasks become more complex and require more effort to succeed. Refusal to accept these challenges and responsibilities may hinder a child’s success later in life.
Find it difficult to adapt to changes
If your child likes things to be their way, they may have a hard time accepting change. This rigidity can make challenging life events, such as moving to a new city or school, more difficult. It may also lead to depression, low mood, and increased anxiety.
While having a bad temper is not a diagnosis, sometimes it can be a sign that something else is going on. If you notice these signs, it may be helpful to consult with an appropriate professional, who can determine what may be causing the naughty behavior and develop a plan or intervention to help your child manage or learn new skills. Dealing with a spoiled child can be a challenge, but when you’re consistent, patient, and use the right strategies, you can help your child navigate the world in a more compassionate and empathetic way. Ultimately, this can help them develop into a well-rounded, well-adjusted adult.
