Expecting at the same time with close family members is exciting: You can dream of your children growing up together, playing together, and forming a close bond, but what if you both have your eye on the same baby name?
Baby name politics can often be difficult to navigate, especially when close relatives are involved. Reddit user u/EmuNaive4943, a 26-year-old woman who is pregnant with her first child, recently asked on the site’s popular subreddit “Am I The Assh*le,” better known as AITA. a sensitive topic with her eldest sister.
There weren’t many surprises when it came to u/EmuNaive4943’s pregnancy. She knew she was having a boy, she had scheduled a C-section for medical reasons, so she knew when his birthday was, she knew what they were going to call him when he arrived.
“We chose to name my husband after his father, who died when he was a baby,” she explained. “It was very important to him, and therefore important to me. It was something I decided early on in my pregnancy, but it wasn’t announced until my baby shower a few weeks ago. We only let people know then. , because some people want to personalize their gifts to us or add an extra gift with this name.
Her eldest sister, 10 years older, was also about to give birth to her first child, who she conceived after more than a decade of infertility. At that time, u/EmuNaive4943’s eldest sister and second sister had 5 children. Although they had a good relationship before, their relationship became estranged.
“Watching our middle sister have a baby so easily really hurt her, I know their relationship is difficult because my middle sister ‘joked’ that she would have a baby for my eldest sister and her husband, And she wasn’t joking in the first place.
But because of the large age gap, the simultaneous pregnancy of the oldest and youngest sisters provided opportunities for intimacy that didn’t exist before. “She told me she had chosen a boy’s name… [and] I found out a few days before my shower that they had a boy. She decided to wait until afterward to tell me the name because she didn’t want to distract me. But then my son’s name was announced…and it was the same name they had chosen.
“She later asked me if she could find another name. She said she really wanted her son to have his own special name and that they had been choosing this name for ten years. I told her it was my late FIL’s. The name, meant a lot to my husband. She told me she really didn’t want the cousins to share a name. I said it could be worse and she left in tears but she was silent for a while. I was asked to consider another name. I let my husband know what was going on and together we came up with something to say…then I stated that we wouldn’t change the name and when she pressed me I pointed out that my son would be first. Birth, so I didn’t steal the name. She made it very clear how hurt she was and how she felt neither me nor our middle sister understood what she was going through and lacked empathy for her.
OP says she feels “bad,” but commenters overwhelmingly side with her, declaring that she’s “not an asshole” or an NTA.
“Don’t feel bad, you did nothing wrong,” one comment read. “There is no reason why cousins can’t have the same name. Tell her that the subject is no longer up for discussion and if she still wants to use the name then you can. I also think it’s great that you named your son after the deceased FIL . National Telecommunications Administration.
“Definitely NTA,” said another. “I think it’s understandable that your sister is moving on from past pain and hurt, but these are feelings she needs to work through with a therapist and not expect others to cater to them.”
Baby names are indeed deeply personal, so it makes sense that emotions would run high when they are cared for. But it’s important to remember that no one has a name, not even the one you truly love.
