No matter how old we get, it seems like a part of us always feels like we’re pretending to be adults. Like, sorry: who signed the agreement that allowed me to take care of my kids, pay my taxes, and go to work? every working day? But every now and then we see the fact that we do grow over time. Like when you’re super excited about buying a new appliance or your New Year’s resolution is to make soup from scratch every week. TikTok creator Lisa (@itsme_lisap) found another example, looking back on your childhood as a parent.
“Really, the hardest thing about parenting is that you now see your childhood through the eyes of your parents, as opposed to you always seeing it through the eyes of your children,” she began. “And kids are more tolerant.
“But now you have your own little person that you’re responsible for, and when you look back at something that happened or the relationship you had with your family, you look at it with so much regret and anger and disbelief and confusion,” she continued. . “Because you look at the little people you have and you know you would never do those things to that person because your love for them is so strong and the way you prioritize them in your life is different.
“Then you have to ask yourself why you didn’t get this,” she said ruefully, “and that’s going to take years to unravel.”
She explains that while none of us can change our childhoods, addressing those unpleasant or traumatic realities rather than “forgiving, forgetting and moving on too quickly” will make you a better parent, especially if We want to avoid parental traps.
“Because trauma always rears its ugly head when you least expect it.”
Reaction to the article has been largely sympathetic.
“As a parent now, I understand how hard it is,” one commenter responded. “I see the sacrifices that were made. But I don’t understand the choices they made.
“I spent a few years in therapy and thought I had solved a lot of my parenting issues,” another shared. “Wrong. When I became a mother, all these unknown and unresolved feelings I had for my own mother exploded.
Others, however, emphasized that their own childhoods inspired how they raised their own children.
“Everyone is different,” one person said. “My perspective is different because I wish I could parent like a mom and wish I could give my son everything I have. [mother-in-law] Not for my husband.
No parent is perfect. Of course, no mature adult would look back on their childhood and blame their parents for their imperfections. But there are still choices that, when we look at them as parents, mean less than they did when we were kids and didn’t know any better. These might be worth unpacking on your own or with your parents. It’s not easy, but growing up is never easy.
