When I met my now ex-husband in my early twenties, I wanted him to be my best friend. I want a partner to do everything with me yes It’s everything to me – a confidant, a sounding board for business ideas, a vintage companion. I (naively) thought this was what a true soulmate and boyfriend should be like. Because I was in my early 20s and hadn’t lived long enough to realize that expecting too much of a person was too high, so I was quickly disappointed.
After we had our baby, I was disappointed that he didn’t spend every minute of his life surrounding the baby. He needs time away from home to connect with friends. He was happy to experience his fetish without me because I didn’t want to do what he wanted to do. I would be frustrated if I went to him with a problem only to find that he was unable to help or support me in the way I needed. I’d be pissed if he didn’t notice my new clothes. When I get support from my girlfriend or family, I start to wonder if something is wrong in my relationship. I think he should fill all those roles for me.
But now that we’re divorced and I can see things more clearly, I realize that, most of all, I’m disappointed in myself for putting so much pressure on our relationship. He did nothing wrong, and he Just being himself. yes he loves me but i don’t think i His only best friend. I don’t know why I got this idea that my partner should be everything to me. But it got in there somehow. Maybe I could blame society at large, or listen to other women talk about the wonderful things their partners did for them that my husband didn’t do, so I compared our relationship to theirs. Maybe this is how I was raised.
I’ve learned since then that no one can give you everything you need. We all have different experiences and situations that shape our lives. So, when our kids were little, I was hormonal and emotional and my partner couldn’t understand me, but my girlfriends did. After talking to them about my feelings, I felt seen and validated. It turns out I need a lot of different relationships in my life, but even then I don’t blame my husband enough. I was angry that I had to seek out these relationships in order to feel seen.
Now that I’m divorced, my female friendships have grown. I know that even if I find a wonderful man, nothing can replace the connection I’ve made over the past decade. I know now to never let them slip away. Sure, I can rely on a partner for some things, but not everything. This is a difficult and impossible task for one person. They would give me what he couldn’t give me, and that was okay.
a sensible friend Tell me she’s not deep A conversation with her husband. When I asked her why, she said, “Because he doesn’t understand. But my girlfriends do and I don’t have to discuss everything with him. Our relationship is better when I don’t.”
I learned that having diverse friends and people you can lean on can actually strengthen a partnership. I don’t need to dump everything on that person. There’s nothing better than connecting with friends, blowing off steam, and talking non-judgmentally about the things that stress us out. The weight was lifted and I returned home to connect with my partner in a different way.
I’m not saying that my partner can’t be one of my best friends. But they can’t be my only best friends. I need other strong relationships, especially with my girlfriend, because it keeps me grounded. I’m a better partner when I’m grounded.
Diana Park is a writer who finds solitude in a good book, the ocean, and eating fast food with her kids.
