When I turned 40, I hadn’t really celebrated a birthday in almost a decade. Raising three children, one of whom has multiple disabilities, I have little room to celebrate. But 40? I knew I wanted to give it my all.
I wasn’t ready to travel without the kids. I knew I wanted to celebrate with friends from different walks of life: friends from high school, college, local mom friends, and friends from past jobs, especially since many of my gatherings had become so few and far between. After weighing several options, my husband suggested an 80s themed murder mystery party. The thought of hosting an 80’s themed bash makes my heart beat faster and the more my wheels spin, the more excited I get, which is something I haven’t felt in months. Plus, it’s affordable, low-key, and a relaxing way for a group of 30 or 40-something year olds to mingle and have fun without the hassle of small talk.
My husband ordered instructions online from a company that specializes in murder mystery parties. (Other options include “Mullets, Mayhem and Murder” and the circus-themed “The Greatest Murder on Earth.”) You follow their instructions, then host your own event, assigning participants a role, Let them act out all night.
We spent months planning for whenever we had “down time,” which is often the case for someone with three kids. The plan itself ended up being a gift. It’s a fun way to distract me from my daily care routine and something to look forward to. My husband was in charge, so he knew who the murderer was, but I didn’t.
My character is Polly Abdool and I’m so happy I got the right costume. I found wide black pants and paired them with a silky black camisole, a denim jacket, a gold chain, large hoop earrings, and red lipstick. My husband is Dave Buie. He ordered a blonde wig, rose-tinted glasses, a black button-down shirt, jeans and black shoes.
It was so fun to see what other people were wearing when they arrived. From slicked-back hair to side ponytails to shed socks, denim jackets, and neon bracelets, my friends really went all out. A friend even found her old plastic charm necklace from the 1980s. I haven’t seen one of these in years.
Here are some other things to bring the party together:
- As soon as guests arrived, we had them pose in front of an 80’s themed backdrop with photo booth props to get them immediately in the mood. This is also a great way to keep track of everyone who attends.
- No 80s themed party would be complete without a variety of “retro” snacks and sweets. We had a buffet of Twinkies and Hostess cupcakes, Yodels, Drakes Hostess fruit pies, Pixie Stix, Push Pops, Nerds, Hubba Bubba gum, Pop Rocks and gift bags to take home a variety of treats .
- My husband and I found our old toys, like He-Man action figures and Mario plush toys, and we strategically placed them around the house to add to the atmosphere. We also have Snoopy SNO cones, Baby-Sitters Club books, and classic games like Clue and Simon. We’ve put together a playlist of our favorite ’80s music, including Debbie Gibson, Madonna, and Cyndi Lauper, and launched each one to my old Nintendo A variety of games are available to play, including Super Mario Bros. and Duck Hunt.
- I had my kids dress up and greet the guests, and then the nanny took them upstairs for the night. I found my old leg warmers, gave them to my nine-year-old daughter, had her put on gymnastics leotards, and pulled her hair back into a side ponytail. My middle son was posing as a DJ with a fake turntable on his wheelchair tray and headphones on his ears, and my youngest son was wearing a red hoodie and walking around holding an ET doll.
The event was well received, even by shy friends. I’m an introvert and I never want to do this in front of children. But as a mom, I felt isolated, constantly tending to other people’s needs, and I wanted to do something new and different while still maintaining control of my home. Many guests are also dedicated to raising their families and say they have not attended a costume party in years. So, assigning roles and giving instructions on who to talk to and when can keep the evening running smoothly.
As the party progresses, everyone lets loose, gets silly, and reminisces about their childhood. At the end of the night we all gathered in my living room waiting for the big reveal. I won’t reveal it, but there is singing involved. It’s fun to joke and laugh when life gets too serious. This made my birthday a fun and memorable milestone at a time when I often put others first.
Jaclyn Greenberg is a former tax accountant who became a freelance writer when her son was born with multiple disabilities. Jaclyn now writes about parenting, accessibility, and inclusion for The New York Times, CNN, Wired, The Huffington Post, Parents, Good Housekeeping, Fodor’s, and more Written. She is writing a memoir about a family of five coming together. LinkedIn, Instagram, Xwebsite.
