My to-do list is always overwhelming before I head out on a trip—even if my three kids and husband aren’t going. There’s usually something like “Buy travel deodorant” or “Order clothes from Old Navy,” but what really interests me are these to-do lists that keep things busy for everyone while I’m away. More relaxed. You know, like “put the girl’s soccer socks and jersey together,” “make sure there’s a hairbrush on the headband,” and “order school snacks and yogurt.”
No, I wouldn’t leave my kids with a nanny who doesn’t understand their daily lives. This is how I prepare to leave my husband and three daughters alone.
I know, I know, you want to call me “weaponized and incompetent.” You need to make sure I know this isn’t okay. My husband should be able to take good care of his three daughters without me.
Of course he can. I’m prepared to make my family’s life as easy as possible while I’m gone, not because of him cannot Just do it. This is because we are a team and we always support each other.
There seems to be an idea that one “primary” parent (usually the mother) leaves the other parent (usually the father) to care for the child alone for a few days as a test, some kind of competition. “Oh, he’s really going to miss you this weekend, isn’t he?” people joke, as if that’s the only reason your spouse notices your absence – he has to match the kids’ socks himself. “If I were you, I’d turn off my phone,” they laugh, as if your partner’s questions about library books or field trip expenses are some special ordeal they have to face on their own. There’s also the question of “Can’t trust them, can you?” That’s what they say when they hear me trying to do simple things for my husband while I’m out of town.
There’s a series of crude assumptions at play here: I’m the only one who knows how to do anything for our family, my husband is only under duress to contribute, and leaving is an opportunity to show him that he knows how to have How little.
Well, that’s not how we operate because that’s not how we operate any Teamwork. Of course, there are things I tend to deal with and things he tends to deal with. If I was away from my colleagues for a week, I wouldn’t just turn off my phone and say “see you on the other side.” I make sure all my own pending tasks are completed or delegated to someone so that no one has to try to solve the problem themselves. If a backup quarterback has to take over during a game, the first quarterback doesn’t just yell “Good Luck” and run off the field without any advice or input. If a teaching assistant takes over a lesson for the day, they do not have to start the lesson without a lesson plan or procedure in place.
I can go straight to get off work Sure, and said my colleague could fix the problem. The quarterback can just run off the field, and the teacher can let the assistant who has been in the classroom every day for eight weeks handle it. But it’s not part of the team. As part of the team, when his usual drop-off routine was interrupted by a meeting, he would make sure lunches were still packed for the kids so I didn’t have to think about it. When he goes hunting on the weekends, he plugs the kids’ tablets into their chargers and tells me where their football water bottles are. When he goes out for the night with a guy, he throws chicken nuggets in the oven for me before walking out the door. He doesn’t let me get into trouble because we are a team.
So, I made clothes for all my girls and put them in baskets. I pointed out to my husband where their soccer socks and shin pads were and how he was going to wash their jerseys after practice on Wednesday. I went ahead and prepared a birthday gift for the party he was taking them to on Saturday, then I filled the fridge and freezer with all the snacks they needed for school and frozen pizza for a quick dinner. My husband nodded with every movement, thanked me, and told me, “I got it, baby, don’t worry.” I gave him a new pack of hair ties so he wouldn’t have to spend time looking for them in the morning. I pointed out the extra peace.
I know he gets it. He knew I had him. Because we are a team and the team sticks together.
Samantha Darby is a senior lifestyle editor Jumpsuit and scary mom And a PTA soccer mom and her husband raising three little women in suburban Georgia. Her minivan was always being totaled.
