There comes a point in every adult’s trip to Disney World when you start to question your decision to come here to the most magical place on Earth, which is also a wet-bulb event. Maybe you wore the wrong shoes and got a blister, or you had to pee and your butt cheeks got bruised for the first time in your life (humility). Maybe you’re sweating it out and wondering where your next meal will be. Maybe you were overstimulated while battling panic FOMO, despite the fact that you were actually in the park, just like you felt.
My turning point came one beautiful morning in Epcot. The sky is blue; my Tevas are on; our schedule is open. It’s time to drag my aging body and rapidly fading spirit over to Guardians of the Galaxy: Cosmic Rewind for a Type II fun experience of screaming, laughing, but also being a little worried that you might die, but also being awesome story. Are we putting the cart before the horse? I don’t know – my eyes are squeezed shut as we travel along the space-time continuum, back to a time when such physical pleasure was more readily available.
Then I got out of the car.
As we stepped out into the (humid) fresh air and (oppressive) sunshine, I found myself having the urge to, shall we say, completely backtrack on my breakfast. At first I was angry, maybe in denial. I won’t get sick if I ride! I told myself. Or I didn’t do that the last time I rode them, which was a given during the Bush administration. Maybe I’m not suffering from motion sickness, but experiencing COVID-menopause-hangover-stroke?
I dragged my ailing body down the cheerful path, feeling sheepish but growing weaker and weaker, to the point where my giddy colleagues started asking me if I was okay. No, I admit with a smile, I don’t feel very well. I’m a 40-year-old woman who got beat on a thrill ride hosted by Chris Pratt and some kind of superhero raccoon.
That’s when my co-worker Katie, my knight in shiny muslin and a baseball cap, grabbed my arm and told everyone she was taking me to the “free Coke store.” I didn’t know about the free coke shop yet, I was innocent, but I knew it probably meant air conditioning, so I nodded and allowed myself to be dragged the 300 yards across the concrete.
What I found there was redemption.
As far as Epcot stores go, it’s small and located across from the Creations Shop, a large dad souvenir store. I suspect it was intentional to give bored teenagers and husbands a way to keep themselves entertained while other family members shopped. Women are oppressed in another way in this country as well. Moms, we must take back Club Cool.
Club Cool™ Presented by Coca-Cola is not just a place to get free fountain drinks while being blasted by coolant; yes And that. It’s mainly a showcase of international Coca-Cola products, where you can take a small sample cup and try, say, the Russian Sprite (my favorite, with cucumber flavor) or the Italian Beverley (as far as I know) , it’s Coca-Cola with Amaro, if that sounds good, go for it).
In my opinion, the best way is to try them all, make faces, giggle at the strangers making faces around you, and take a spin in the air conditioning while pretending you’ll buy a Coca-Cola brand drink. -8 times to get more Russian Sprite.
While the diversity and international nature of Club Cool may be the draw, I think it’s the free part that stands out to me. An oasis in the desert, everything else is at least $8.99, although I think Epcot’s admission fee exceeds the cost of the syrup and water, exclusive though it may be.
Still, everyone should know this. Hanging out at the trough with my little plastic cup not only brought me back to the person I was before Guardians of the Galaxy; It made me feel like I’d discovered a secret. This is my own version of Disney magic.
