As the parent of a two-year-old, it’s hard to predict what emotions my daughter may be experiencing on any given day. Honestly, I could say the same thing about myself. When my daughter feels these huge feelings and starts naming them, I myself sometimes struggle to identify—let alone cope with—these feelings.
Needless to say, I’m open to any parenting advice I can glean from experts…and yes, that includes *other* co-parents of Modern Mom, Bluey. I prefer it when the advice comes from two sources.
Recently a friend introduced me to hidden brain A podcast hosted by journalist Shankar Vedantam, and let me tell you – every episode absolutely blows my mind. One episode features psychologist and neuroscientist Dr. Lisa Feldman Barrett, who poses the titular, heart-warming research question: “Where do feelings come from?” Come?
Dr. Feldman Barrett’s illuminating interview answers this question. However, my biggest takeaway was the parenting strategies she shared on how to help my daughter and I manage negative emotions in a fun, playful way that is reminiscent of one of my favorite Bluey Episodes.
Emotions are predictions
Feldman Barrett’s story didn’t start out looking like Bluey episode. Instead, she shared anecdotes about the physical and emotional abuse she experienced as a child, all of which inspired her academic research. Once, she was scolded for upsetting her mother by asking for a pair of party shoes that were beyond her financial means. In this and other examples, Feldman Barrett describes taking responsibility for other people’s emotions, a common phenomenon we all experience.
As Vedantam recounts, “Our brains literally feel as though they are receiving signals from the outside world and assembling our inner world… Our emotions are caused by things that happen to us. But as Li Shah went on to become a psychologist and as a neuroscientist she discovered that our feelings are not actually reactions to the world but are real predictions of the world.
In one memorable anecdote, Feldman Barrett shared that she once confused an impending illness with romantic feelings on a date. Even though she wasn’t interested in the date at all, she was simply experiencing symptoms of a viral illness when she mistook her blushing and nausea as signs that she must be falling for it. She learned that emotions are how we make sense of the world, but sometimes our predictions are wrong.
Toddler throwing tantrums
Using her research as a guide, Feldman Barrett found that she could help her daughter predict differently when she was experiencing typical toddler tantrums.
Feldman Barrett describes a fictional character she calls the “Grumpy Fairy.” Whenever there were signs of a tantrum, Feldman Barrett would instruct her daughter to prepare a chair for a visit from the grumpy fairy. Her daughter would sit there until the fairy left. Feldman Barrett said that over time, her daughter learned to predict her temper by sitting in a chair on her own terms, which changed the outcome. Through regular practice, her daughter found ways to regulate her emotions in the chair, such as playing with toys or reading a book, which helped ease strong emotions.
This is a fantastic strategy and one I’m eager to implement because it reminds me of one of my favorite strategies Bluey Episode “In a Bad Mood”.
Bad mood
In this hilarious episode, Bingo is in a bad mood, and to reflect her bad mood, the bandit puts on a Viking hat and puts Bingo on his feet to look bad. Bandit pretends to be in a “bad mood” at bingo, knocks over Bluey’s tower of blocks, kicks over mom’s laundry basket, watches TV and eats chocolate without permission. Bingo kept giggling at the behavior, saying, “I can’t help it,” and “It’s not my problem, it’s just that I’m in a bad mood.”
What I really like about this episode is that instead of telling Bingo in a vain attempt to cheer her up or shaming her for having negative emotions, the heels immediately validate Bingo’s feelings and then take multiple approaches Help her until her bad mood goes away. Bluey suggested Bingo “relax with abdominal breathing,” listen to her favorite songs, and draw. All of these are excellent examples of coping strategies. While it’s not easy, the episode ends with Mom and Bluey embracing not just Bingo, but her bad mood.
Pull out a chair for the grumpy fairy or a hat for the bad mood
in conclusion hidden brain In the podcast “Vedantam,” Vedantam suggests that being curious about our emotions—where they come from and what they tell us—pays off in the long run. Both characters, Grumpy Fairy and Bad Mood, are inherently curious and fun creations that spark children’s imaginations, allowing them to make different choices rather than be overcome by negative emotions.
Before accepting his bad mood, Bingo said, “He’s not [bad.] He just behaved badly.
