It’s the holidays and you most likely have multiple things to do. There are gifts to buy, dishes to cook, and plans to finalize. Of course, this is on top of all the usual rigors and responsibilities of your daily life. If you are a woman working with a man, especially if you have children, these lists are longer because they include your children, Most likely your partner’s family as well. This is called “kinkeeping,” and it’s something TikTok creator Paige (@sheisapaigeturner) emphasized in a recent video.
“Women often bear an unfair responsibility for maintaining relationships with their husbands’ families,” she observes. She goes on to point out that women who are married to men often do a lot of legwork to maintain relationships with their families: For example, they find themselves reminding him of his mom’s birthday, or buying and wrapping gifts for his family, or reminding family members of gatherings just because of the distance It’s been a minute since the last party.
While this is true year-round, it’s especially tough during the holidays…and it doesn’t always go well.
“During the holidays, you often hear this unfair statement: ‘Oh, my son’s wife is always with the family. … Once he marries her, we never see him again. She really No effort was made for us, and a lot of blame was placed on this woman,” Page said before continuing,
“I think it’s really important if you’re a mother-in-law or a father-in-law or whatever [you] It could be that your son’s family doesn’t spend a lot of time with you during the holidays, or you feel like they’re not putting in a lot of effort: [remind] You yourself think it’s not his partner’s fault. That’s your son’s fault. If you feel like you’re not seeing your son enough, if you feel like they’re not spending enough time with your family, then you need to talk to your son about it.
It sounds simple, but it’s a message that more people can embrace.
Based on commenters’ reactions to the video, Page does seem to be holding a mirror up to a large part of TikTok.
“I stopped the relationship and honestly my husband didn’t want to maintain it because they didn’t make the effort to do so,” one commenter said.
“My ex hated being around family, but they blamed me,” another recalled. “Now that we’re divorced, he sees them even less than when we were married.”
Another comment highlighted an element of the issue that Page didn’t mention, but that’s worth discussing:
“I was so worried about this and my husband didn’t think twice about it,” one commenter coyly wrote. “Like why should I be nervous when he doesn’t care?”
Honestly, I don’t think this can be overstated. Because, yes, many of our husbands’ families expect this kind of labor from us out of habit…but why do we feel the need to make it a habit in the first place? Is it because we were asked? Sometimes yes. (I can’t tell you how many words there are I When my man asked me over and over to be the one to receive this information, I started making family plans from my husband’s relatives.
But how often do we start picking up the pieces without being asked? Yes, society as a whole expects too much from women…but we also In that society, maybe we also need to make some changes to ourselves.
