I have a confession: I’m 23 years old, I have a college degree, a full-time job, and yes, I live at my parents’ house.
My favorite thing to tell people? Well, no. But it helps to know I’m not alone. In 2023, Bloomberg’s Harris Poll found that 45% of 18-29-year-olds lived with their parents, the highest proportion since the 1940s. In other words, if you have a child in their 20s, there’s a good chance they’re living with you.
I don’t know how you parents feel about this situation, but I can speak for the kids here and tell you that they’re probably not happy.
This is not to say that we don’t love our parents or appreciate the opportunity to gain a financial foothold. The prospect of moving back home can be humiliating, especially if you’re attending college away from home and trying to live an independent life. Returning to my childhood bedroom from my New York apartment made me feel like a dramatic teenager again, worried about losing my independence.
With student loans, friends now living hours away from us, and rent being so high I couldn’t imagine myself being able to move out, it took over a year for me to find a full time job (if you don’t have to deal with the current job market) , consider yourself lucky), life after graduation is not glamorous at all. But so far, in the year and a half that I’ve been living at home, my parents have made the experience pretty positive, despite my fears. In fact, for the first few months I had been bracing myself for pain that, miraculously, had yet to materialize. This is largely due to my parents.
My parents knew they couldn’t change my life, and I wouldn’t ask them to. They basically treated me like an adult, grateful for my current situation but desperate to escape it.
On behalf of the adults in their 20s who live at home, I would like to contact your parents and consider learning from my parents’ experience. There are some things they do that make this stage of our lives better than I could have ever imagined. Here are some:
They sympathized with my situation.
I know, I know. I’m already so easy I don’t pay rent. In fact, I didn’t pay much in fees other than student loans. Life is not difficult now because I live at home, and I’m grateful for that.
That is to say, it Do It kind of sucks to go from the excitement of college and city life to living with your parents and high school-age siblings in a small town where even McDonald’s closes at nine.
My parents let me complain, and they never downplayed the emotional difficulty of this choice. It may be difficult for some parents to accept that the warm, comfortable home their children grow up in is not their ideal adult living environment, but I think being able to acknowledge that without taking it too personally is key.
My parents are nosy.
I’m an adult, and while I sometimes turn to my parents for advice, I don’t need them to micromanage my life (even on a regular basis).
My parents have no place for me. I understand parents have safety concerns, but tracking my location feels like a lot of parental supervision as an adult. Please give your adult children some breathing room and please delete Life360, thank you.
Sometimes I get the TV remote.
Every Tuesday and Wednesday night for the past two months, I have exclusively watched one of our cable TV channels dance with the stars and golden bachelorette. My family didn’t particularly like this at first, but following his lead, my dad has openly admitted it for a few seasons now Bachelor Franchise super fan.
It may not seem like a big deal, but television is an easy way to remind your kids that they’re more than just guests in your home. Plus, it encourages them to hang out with the whole family and pay very little to watch a two-hour TV show about older people looking for love (you might even end up liking it).
They never asked me about my dating life.
My parents never brought up the topic of dating first. After all, if I have something to share, I will. I have friends whose parents constantly ask them if they’ve seen anyone or are in a relationship and pester them about when their partners are coming over for dinner. Parents, on behalf of your children, I beg you to stop this behavior. If your child is single, this is a difficult question to answer “no” over and over again, even if they are happy living alone. If they have a partner, they will share that part of their life with you in their own time and in their own way. Asking frequently will not change their answers and will only create tension. For the sake of everyone involved, just leave this topic alone.
I anticipate assisting.
When your children live at home, respect should go both ways. It may be an adjustment, but the best way to show your child respect is to not treat them like a child. My siblings and I took turns doing the dishes and I would drive them around if they needed a ride. While my mom was much nicer than my college neighbors, throwing my laundry on the floor whenever I was five minutes late to unload my laundry from the dryer, she certainly didn’t do it for me Do this.
They didn’t force me to leave, but they didn’t want me to stay.
My parents said they loved having me around, and they told me repeatedly that they wanted me to start in the best financial position possible, but they also didn’t make me feel guilty for wanting to leave. I know that when I do manage to get out on my own, I will have their support and if I need it, I know I will have a place to go back to.
