As the child of an alcoholic, you have a terrible idea of what “normal” drinking is.
I don’t really drink “healthy”, it’s just that, like many people, I believe my own way is best. I rarely have more than one, and almost never more than two. I only drink socially. A close friend who is sober told me that my level of self-discipline is weird, like someone who takes a bite of candy and then puts it down.
But you see, I grew up with a father who, once he drank a bottle of beer, he couldn’t stop, at best he tripped and at worst he passed out.
Dad is now a sober drinker – he joined Alcoholics Anonymous when I was in college and has been sober for decades. Perhaps not surprisingly, I didn’t drink in college, nor did I drink in my 20s. I didn’t drink until I was in my 30s and had young children. It wasn’t motherhood that drove me to drink, but motherhood was the first time I felt like I needed a drink to relax.
That said, my perspective on drinking is clouded by emotion and judgment. So now I have a 22 year old who not only drinks; like Drinking, I’m a bit messy.
When they were teenagers I talked about one drink being fine and two being enough. I say this like a mantra and it’s proven in real life so I want both of my kids to either do what I say or what I do because they are the same person. They saw my now sober friend at her worst and we helped take care of her dog and kids while she recovered. I hope they learn this lesson too.
But this is where I get a little blame. My husband doesn’t count drinks, and while he’s far from an alcoholic, he can be extremely happy on any given night—which, to be honest, is most nights.
I’m very picky about it, and I know he doesn’t fully understand that seeing someone finish a whole bottle of wine and then look for another one triggers me. Our 22 year old recently graduated from college and now lives with us and with him. every night.
We raised his drinking buddies in a way.
My kid’s significant other also lives with us and he’s my rival, a one-drink guy who doesn’t want to feel bad in the morning. I foolishly hoped that our shining example would be a beacon to others, but that was just smugness and self-righteousness on my part.
In fact, my eldest daughter and my husband look very similar and have the temperament of twins. My husband has to reassure me over and over again that it’s completely normal for people in their 20s to drink a lot of bad alcohol. When we all read the recent new york times The article “Drinking with the Kids,” My Husband Says,exactly”.
Based on this article, I’m trying to be patient and wait for the years when drinking becomes a delightfully silly sport. I haven’t been through that phase, so it’s foreign and scary to me, but that doesn’t mean it’s not normal.
At the same time, my youngest, a 19-year-old hypochondriac, will not take ibuprofen (Advil) unless a doctor says otherwise. I love that he is not exposed to alcohol. Is this wrong? If my husband finds his drinking buddy, I want my abstinence partner. Parenting is brutal and it makes me want a salty margarita tonight. But there is only one.
