It hit me like a brick in the groom’s face last Christmas Eve home alone — or maybe it’s slowly creeping up on me as I wrap another gift at midnight, angry at the dull scissors and awkwardly shaped boxes that always end up last minute at the cheap dollar store Poke holes in the paper.
I was doing something humble when I realized this: This is not sustainable. Two kids had winter birthdays—one between Halloween and Thanksgiving, one a few days before Christmas—and by the time New Year’s Eve rolled around, I was completely dusted with just enough energy and sanity left to Hand out noisemakers and party hats and fall away. Fill in the blanks when asked.
This year, I’m throwing in the towel (decoratively). I took a step back. Now the kids are in charge of Christmas.
No, they’re not taking over – I’m not crazy – but at almost 10 and 12 years old, they are old enough to do more than just sit back and wait for the magic to happen. I’m sure the three-year-old will follow suit and by the time she’s their age, maybe she’ll be the most capable of them all.
This year, they will be in charge of what decorations we are going to put up, what food we are going to eat, and what activities we are going to do. They will source the decorations, help with the purchase and handle the installation. When I brought this idea to my kids, their confusion quickly turned to enthusiasm. They’ve always had their own ideas about Christmas (most kids do), but now they have a say in making it happen.
Their ideas started flowing quickly. From classics like a gingerbread house design to more ambitious designs like building a chocolate fountain. They collaborated on a decorating wish list that included popcorn string lining the entire living room (not just the tree) and a DIY Advent calendar to make every day a quirky adventure. Plans are taking shape for an elf costume contest, an ode to our cats (what?), and dressing up like your favorite Taylor Swift era. I’m not sure what this has to do with the holidays, but I’m trying to keep an open mind.
We will have a family meeting to discuss priorities: What traditions do we want to preserve? What is realistic given our time and budget? I’ll set parameters there—because no, we’re not putting a live reindeer in the yard or turning the living room into the North Pole.
Will everything go well? Of course not. There will be chaos. There will be forgotten details. But there will also be laughter, creativity and memories we will cherish.
Let me be clear: this is not about laziness. It’s about survival. Like many moms, I’ve carried the mental burden of vacation planning for years. Even with an equal effort from a partner or co-parent, the mental gymnastics of memorizing, organizing, and executing each step still feels like it falls on my shoulders. It’s not just about doing the work; it’s exhausting to think about it constantly. Insidious messages from every corner of our culture have left us with the impression of a mother in a bright cardigan taking her children for holiday cheer. No wonder we all have a collective meltdown this time of year. Luckily for me, their father agreed to try my “for kids” method.
Handing over some control not only preserves my sanity, it also teaches our children something valuable: The holidays don’t just happen. They require effort, cooperation and planning. Giving them more responsibility gives them autonomy, ownership, and the opportunity to create unique memories.
I will never be an “aesthetic mom” and I’ve accepted that. My Christmas will never look like an Instagram curated one, and that’s okay. I have ADHD and anxiety, am impatient, disorganized, and frankly, a little sloppy in my execution. But beyond that, it’s also about character. I don’t want to get obsessed with matching wreaths or setting out charcuterie platters during the holidays. I want to use them to enjoy my kids time and maybe watch a few Hallmark movies.
What kids want most during the holidays isn’t perfection. They want to feel loved, they want to spend time with their family, they want to open some (ok, maybe a lot) gifts. Of course, decor and tradition are important, but it’s the feeling that they’ll remember. Giving them a say in creating that feeling will serve them well as adults—whether they celebrate one day with friends, a partner, or their own children.
This year, the kids are in charge, and for once, I feel like I might actually enjoy the holidays.
Molly Waszek Krause is a freelance writer and mother of three. She was born and raised in Waco, Texas, and later moved to the Finger Lakes region of New York, where she worked in animal rescue and welfare for many years. She writes articles and poetry about feminism, mental health, parenting, pop culture, and politics. She’s usually late because she stops to pet the dog. She is on Twitter @mwadzeckkraus.
