It started when I was a kid. After my siblings and I stopped believing in Santa Claus, our Christmas gifts would be labeled “from Mom and Dad” — in my mom’s handwriting, of course. While I was well aware that my mom was completely responsible for the Christmas magic in my home while I was growing up, I didn’t really understand the sheer amount of labor that went into it until I became a parent myself.
This is why, 25 years later, I find myself writing “From Mom and Dad” on my kids’ gifts, even though I was the one who made the list, checked twice, found the deal, paid for the gifts, and stashed them away In the gift box.
I am also responsible for the Christmas dinner, cookie platter, Christmas tree, lights and more. Of course we don’t have to go all out during the holidays, and yes, I create some pressure on myself, but I also remember how wonderful it was to have Christmas in my home growing up, and I want the same for my kids .
When I asked my husband for help, he just said that what I wanted to do was “not necessary.” He said, if I want to do it, I can do it. But he’d rather have no holiday magic than lend a helping hand (but really – he just Know I would have done it if he didn’t and I never called his bluff?
This is how the holidays have been spent for years. I went on the field, I filled my socks, and I shouldered most of the mental burden and invisible labor. When the children opened their presents, they gave Both Their parents hugged us because they thought the gift was from the two of us.
After we divorced a few years ago, everything changed—but maybe not as quickly as you thought. Even though we live apart, we still celebrate the holidays together as a family. Despite my best intentions, I still write “From Mom and Dad” on my kids’ gifts. Why? Because I don’t want my kids to feel like their dad doesn’t care about them. I protected them from the truth: Their dad, for whatever reason, wasn’t trying to make the holidays merry and bright.
I know there may be complex reasons why my co-parent (and, let’s face it, a lot of male partners) don’t buy and wrap gifts. I definitely think boys are socialized from birth not to think of others and not to show affection. I also think they just aren’t taught gift giving skills like girls. I remember sitting down with my mom to learn how to properly wrap and decorate gifts – even my long-term male partner didn’t know how Not at all. My ex-husband doesn’t even really think about who should receive the gift and when; he would never think of sending a teacher a holiday gift, for example. It’s simply not on their radar.
Of course, that doesn’t mean people who don’t step up can’t learn and do better. They should be able to recognize that they are not doing their part and that their partners are left with enormous pressure and responsibility – often not just for their children, but for their husbands’ families as well. They need to take action. They need to sit down and spend 10 minutes learning how to wrap a strange gift. Finding YouTube videos is not difficult.
So, last night, while I was wrapping the kids’ Christmas presents (and watching the BBC version of pride and Prejudicealthough I would argue that Absolutely Christmas Movie), I decided this year I was going to be honest and sign the label. For the first time, my kids knew who their gifts came from. And it’s not their father. It will be written in big, loud and clear words: From Mom.
