What is attachment parenting?

When it comes to parenting styles, there are many ways to care for your baby. While people certainly have a lot of strong opinions, experts say there’s no right or wrong way to raise children. Ultimately, it comes down to your family values, your lifestyle, and your support system—all of which help shape your parenting style.

That said, one parenting style that has become increasingly popular recently is attachment parenting. This parenting style is a child-centered approach that emphasizes the importance of developing secure emotional bonds between children and their caregivers, says Gayle Weill, LCSW, a licensed clinical social worker and founder of Gayle Weill LCSW LLC.

“Attachment parenting, developed by Dr. William Sears and his wife Martha, promotes methods of cultivating secure, empathetic and loving connections between parents and children,” she said. “It is rooted in the belief that a child’s early experiences influence their emotional, social and cognitive development.”

Below we’ll explore the key principles of attachment parenting, its benefits, and how to know if this style of parenting is right for you.

Key Principles and Practices of Attachment Parenting

The goal of attachment parenting, Will says, is to create a safe, responsive environment where your baby or child feels loved, understood and secure. “This foundation of trust and safety leads to adults who become healthier, more empathetic, and more connected.”

Some key principles and practices of attachment parenting include what experts call the seven Bs:Birth Connection, Breastfeeding, Baby Wearing, Nearby Bedding, Trusting Baby’s Cry, Balance, and Attention to Baby Training. Below is a detailed look at these principles.

birth union

The principle involves skin-to-skin contact between parents and babies immediately after birth, Will said. “It promotes bonding, regulates the baby’s body temperature, and aids in the initiation of breastfeeding.”

That said, if birth complications occur or your baby is in distress, BirthLink can happen later and still be effective. It’s important to remember that bonding at birth is a process, and if it doesn’t happen until shortly after birth, that’s totally fine.

breast-feeding

Although not mandatory, many parents who follow an attachment parenting model choose to breastfeed, especially since the American Academy of Pediatrics (AAP) recommends exclusive breastfeeding for at least the first six months of life. Breastfeeding not only reduces the risk of sudden infant death syndrome (SIDS) by up to 64%, it can also reduce respiratory infections and even improve IQ scores.

“Breast milk provides optimal nutrition and antibodies, but beyond that, breastfeeding promotes bonding and intimacy,” says Weir.

However, it is important to note that many parents either choose not to breastfeed or experience challenges with this feeding method. It’s entirely possible to practice attachment parenting while feeding your baby in another way.

baby clothes

Carrying your baby in a sling or sling is another tenet of attachment parenting that can provide physical closeness and soothe them, Will says. “This can increase emotional safety and reduce irritability.”

What’s more, proponents of attachment parenting also point out that babies who are held tend to be happy babies who spend more time alert and observing their surroundings. This allows them to understand the world around them. It also increases parents’ familiarity and sensitivity to their baby’s needs.

Bedding nearby

While some parents may choose to share a bed or co-sleep, many choose to just sleep in the same room, especially given the risks of bed-sharing, Will said. “While co-sleeping is a common practice in attachment parenting, safety must be a priority. The idea is to have your baby sleep nearby for easy feeding and soothing.

The American Academy of Pediatrics recommends that babies sleep in the same room as their parents for at least the first six months of life, but on a different surface, such as a bassinet or crib. They note that sharing a room can reduce the risk of SIDS by up to 50% and is much safer than sharing a bed. It’s important to know that there are serious dangers in co-sleeping, as pillows, blankets and even parents’ arms can pose serious risks to babies. Medically speaking, it is not recommended to share a bed with your baby.

Believe the baby’s cry

Will explains that attachment parenting emphasizes understanding your baby’s cries as a form of communication. “Instead of thinking of crying as a means of control, think of it as a way for your baby to express his needs.”

This responsive parenting style is the cornerstone of attachment parenting, she adds. “This means meeting your baby’s needs promptly and consistently. Babies express their needs through cries, coos, and body language. Responding sensitively helps them learn to trust that their needs will be met.

balance

Attachment parenting can sometimes feel like a demanding parenting style, says Cheryl Groskopf, LMFT, LPCC, a holistic therapist at Evolution to Healing. “You may feel like you need to be available at all times, which can lead to burnout. But it’s just as important for parents to take care of their own needs. You can’t pour from an empty cup.

Therefore, she said, finding a balance is necessary. “Being present for your children doesn’t mean you should neglect yourself. It’s okay to ask for help, take a break, and recharge. Remember, your well-being has a direct impact on your ability to be a responsible and loving parent.

Be careful with baby training

Although keeping your child on a schedule can make your life easier, those who subscribe to attachment parenting don’t always go this route. Instead, their focus is on becoming experts at babies rather than molding babies into specific molds.

They also tend to avoid the “cry it out” method because it discourages responding to the baby’s cries and needs. People believe these methods create distance between them and their babies. However, like the other terms above, these don’t have to be hard and fast rules, and there are ways to adapt attachment parenting to your own family.

The benefits of attachment parenting

Attachment parenting has benefits for both parents and babies. For babies, attachment parenting helps develop a sense of security and trust, Will said. “Research shows that children who grow up with secure attachment are able to regulate their emotions, cope with stress, and develop healthy relationships.”

Research also shows that as they grow up, they also tend to become more agreeable and conscientious. They may also have less fear of the world around them and an overall more relaxed temperament. They may even have fewer behavioral problems.

For parents, Will says, this style can deepen your emotional connection with your child and increase your satisfaction and emotional fulfillment. “This nurturing approach also often leads to more positive parenting, as parents are more attuned to their children’s nonverbal cues and emotional needs.”

In addition, parents may also feel more confident in their parenting style, says Dr. Taylor Rathus, a child development expert, author of multiple textbooks, and founder of Bringing Up Boys. “Prioritizing open communication and active listening can improve the overall dynamics within the family system; [and this] Confidence comes from a parent’s sense that they are successfully meeting their child’s needs.

Debunking Myths About Attachment Parenting

Weir says one of the biggest misconceptions about attachment parenting is that it can lead to children being spoiled or overly dependent. “This is untrue. Research shows that children who grow up with secure attachments are more likely to become independent and capable because their relationship with their parents builds trust and security.

Another misconception, she adds, is that attachment parenting requires ongoing physical closeness or specific practices, such as extended breastfeeding or co-sleeping. “In fact, attachment parenting is centered around emotional responses that can adapt to different family needs and situations.”

Other parents, or parents from previous generations, may also say things like, “You’re too permissive” or “You have no boundaries,” Lacers added. But that’s not the case.

“The secure bond promoted by attachment parenting can actually provide parents with more freedom because their children will be more independent,” she says. “Responsive to babies’ needs can help them better manage their emotions and become more independent. Attachment parenting is an ancient approach that emphasizes natural, instinctive methods of caregiving.

Is Attachment Parenting Right for You?

Determining whether attachment parenting is right for you will depend on your goals and daily life.

“Think about your lifestyle, support system and personal boundaries,” Grosskopf says. “If the principles of attachment parenting resonate with you and you’re ready to meet your [baby’s] This might be a good way to do it. However, there is no one-size-fits-all blueprint for parenting—the most important thing is to find a way that works for you and your family.

Also, remember that every family is unique and what works for one family may not work for another. So if you decide attachment parenting isn’t for you, that’s OK, especially after some self-reflection and practical consideration, Will says. Likewise, choosing not to engage in attachment parenting does not mean someone cannot develop a strong parent-child bond.

“Attachment parenting is a philosophy, not a rulebook,” Will adds. “Ultimately, the right parenting style is one that meets the needs of both the child and the parents, effectively creating a healthy and happy environment for everyone involved.”