This is the story of a parent in my class who used an alternative to time-out called self-quieting or self-calming. I’ve given you a link to a course on this topic at the end.
I had a particularly peaceful morning because I focused on that day and remembered to use my new “non-threatening” approach. Then things started to get a little tense. The kids started fighting with each other for my attention. My peace began to unravel. I remember a discussion in class about “self-quieting” as an alternative to time-out. I figured now would be a good time to try it. So I said to the child:
“Okay guys, mom is starting to feel a little cranky and angry, and I really don’t want to be that way. I think I’m going to take a break and calm down.”
Then I went to the living room, where I usually spend time alone. About three minutes later, my son showed up, blanket in tow. He crawled onto the couch next to me. Then he leaned over me and sat there quietly sucking his thumb. I asked, “Do you also want to sit with Mom for some quiet time?” Scott nodded and continued to sit next to me. I tried to suppress my surprise. Then Sammi came into the room with a glass of water (I almost always have a glass of water by my side) and said, “Mom, I thought you might want to drink something during your quiet time.” I thanked her and she crawled over On the couch on my other side. We sat together for another ten minutes or so without saying anything. We are both obviously happier and calmer when we leave our “quiet time” together. We continued to have a great day. What a gift!
-Jane Shay
Here is a link to Lesson 32 of the Positive Parenting Phone Course, which teaches you how to implement this effective time-out alternative.
Happy parenting!
