Family legacy is very important to me – and I don’t mean legacy of wealth, business or property. I want to leave a family legacy that builds on the tradition and love my family has already established. I want my three daughters to understand the core values of our family and pass that on to their children…when they think of me as their mother and what I bring to their lives and our story, they You will feel warm and happy.
Barbara Costello of @BrunchWithBabs fame knows a thing or two about this. The mother and grandmother has been an internet sensation for years, sharing her favorite entertaining tips, recipes, and most importantly, the importance of tradition. Even I know her family loves a breakfast casserole on Christmas morning, so her latest collaboration with Ancestry.com makes perfect sense.
I had the opportunity to speak with her and share my love of tradition, how my ancestors brought me and my grandmother closer, and the joy of leaving a family legacy to be proud of.
Horror Mom: I’m so excited to talk with you about your partnership with Ancestry. My 87-year-old grandmother and I explore our family history together.
Babs Costello: Oh, it’s so cool that you guys can share your history together. It’s not like she’s passed away and now you’re learning these things; it’s almost the opening of more conversations and stories, right? It’s like the refreshment of a long-forgotten memory.
SM: Of course. One of the things I love about Ancestry.com is preserving the legacy…I have three daughters, and I’ve written recipes on recipe cards and shown them because I just want them to absorb it all.
BC: I have a recipe box that I’ve had for about 50 years. I don’t know, it holds at least 500 recipes, some of them in my mother’s handwriting, they are just treasures… My grandmother has long since passed away, my mother has passed away, and now, even the recipes I have I wish I had My children can pass it on and I can preserve it digitally on Ancestry. It’s such a blessing because they are in a safe place now.
Well, your grandma is still here; do you know what you have to do? I did this with a good friend of mine who was like a surrogate mother to me. When your grandmother was cooking or baking, you almost had to walk over and sit next to her, especially while she was cooking. Before she adds Parmesan cheese to meat or anything, say, “Wait, grandma, stop, we’re going to measure it first.” Here’s one way to do it if she doesn’t have the exact recipe.
SM: When all her grandchildren got married, she actually made us a family recipe book. But even now, I have to call her because the instructions would be, “Stir until it looks right,” and I’m like, what does that mean?
BC: That’s right. It was a different time. They cook by sight, taste and feeling. I think they are more adaptable to food than we are.
SM: What else have you discovered on Ancestry?
BC: I was moved to discover a photo of my grandmother as a young woman and her family before she immigrated to the United States. I only have one aunt left, my Aunt Dolores, who turns 94 in January—the last of her generation. My grandmother had 9 children and 22 grandchildren, so she was the last of nine children.
My grandmother was very moved when we found the manifest of the ship she was on, her name, and the date she embarked in Naples. We don’t quite know the name of the ship, but my grandmother, they always ask her, ‘Mom, what do you remember? Do you remember the name of that ship? We’re going to blow up that list and get the name of that ship.
It’s so touching to learn where you come from, what they went through, and what kind of life they lived. And store all of these and all the wonderful recipes away – because to me, food is memory. When I make something that my mother made, or something that my grandmother made, I remember the days when we were all in the kitchen and it was loud and people were talking a lot of Italian at 95 miles an hour. Replicating these recipes is almost like preserving these memories.
SM: So, do you like to keep to traditional eating habits during the holidays?
BC: I do. For me, tradition is very important. I always say, if you don’t have a tradition in your family yet, it takes two years to establish one. Now, when I was growing up, my family would make homemade pasta, meatballs, toast, etc. for Thanksgiving. And a salad, a big salad. Then they serve the turkey, stuffing, cranberries and sweet potatoes. Like, Oh my god this is incredible. It’s like the food never stops.
I don’t make pasta for Thanksgiving, but I’m a very traditional person. I serve turkey. I don’t stuff my turkey; I bake the delicious stuffing on the outside of the turkey and then do the typical: my mom’s sweet potatoes, mashed potatoes, the whole thing. I also have a great make-ahead gravy; it’s already in the refrigerator. All you have to do is take it out a day or two ahead of time and reheat it, and it’s ready to go.
SM: That’s genius. It’s always hard not to feel like I’m failing at Thanksgiving when I see my great-grandparents who both had nine children and managed to finish dinner on time. My grandmother always said, ‘I’ve had 60 years of Thanksgiving; I’ve had 60 years of Thanksgiving; you’re just getting started.
BC: Isn’t she a doll? She sounds like a real treasure.
SM: She’s the best. I do wish I could ask my great-grandparents questions about raising children. For example, how do they do it? Sometimes I just struggle with my three.
BC: You’re busy. But you know what? I think it’s different expectations. I mean, raising nine kids, they’re not going to play football, football, basketball – they’re not going to live in sports. It was a different time. Nowadays, you almost have to have several sets of parents to raise several children.
SM: You’re right. You need that village more now and I love having it during the holidays.
BC: I think my family’s tradition is a true gathering of the extended family. Now, we are away from extended family. We went home every Christmas, though, until I had four kids. When Elizabeth was 4, we were stuck in the airport for almost a whole day – unable to get home. We landed in a snowstorm. It took us 18 hours to get home from Chicago to New York. We were like, God, we can’t go on like this.
But the holidays – the spirit, the love, the food – it’s definitely a tradition I continue. You are building this and it will bring strength to your family. It makes them feel like they are part of something bigger. These little traditions are important, and let’s face it, many of them involve food.
This interview has been edited for length and clarity.
