For parents of children with strong-willed, emotional or schizophrenic children, after-school battles are real. After a long day of “doing this, doing that,” all they want is to come home to a safe place and decompress.
Sometimes I feel so guilty about peppering my daughter with questions after school. She usually shuts down. A dad and parenting podcast host has a great trick for getting our kids back on track so they just want to shut down after a long day of school.
He (@calmparentingpodcast) began: “Many of you have strong-willed, neurodivergent kids with ADHD who are mentally, emotionally, and socially exhausted at school, probably every day at noon or around 2 p.m.
“Why? Because everything is out of their control in school. They can’t really control what they do, where they go, where they sit, people are telling them what to do all day long.
When our children come home from school, he says, we need to resist the urge to ask questions and follow them about their homework. Instead, we need to give them a sense of control.
“So when they get home, instead of blaming them right away, give the kids something they feel they have control over. We used to have these after-school camps for the kids, and they would come in and be really bossy with me. So inside of me The initial reaction was, ‘Well, you’re a bossy little jerk, no wonder you don’t have any friends, but that’s just me being a jerk,'” he continued.
“You know, all day long, everything was beyond this kid’s control. So I’d say, ‘Oh, you know what? There’s a broken broom in the basement. Do you think you can find some tape in there and help? Do I fix it? I give the child something he or she can control, something they can build. Give them something they can organize. Very, very stable for your child.
He said it’s still possible to get kids to do something other than just stare at a screen, but the task would have to be something that doesn’t remind them of school at all.
“Give them an adult type job, not a homework type job. Go on a treasure hunt outside. Bet you can’t find this. I hid it in the backyard. They get some fresh air. All of these things are great for your kids after school It turned out to be really cool because it calmed them down and it was a good introduction to the afternoon and evening,” he concluded.
This advice may seem obvious, but many of us struggle with our kids’ after-school meltdowns. But isn’t that the “cooling off time” we adults need? Taking a moment to calm down and reset your mood after getting home from get off work can be meaningful and energizing. So why are our children different?
