People often talk about how difficult learning to be a parent is, but the specific challenges of learning to be a parent are rarely discussed parents with their partners. Parenting is like training for a marathon. Being a parent is like running a relay race—except the baton is a very fragile little person. Working as a team to keep babies active and happy doesn’t come naturally. It requires a lot of communication, tolerance and, frankly, trial and error. Avoiding the premature label of “default parent” requires a conscious effort.
But TikTok creator and pediatrician Dr. Em (@dr.emzieees) has some truly great tips that will make it easier.
Dr. Em opens the video by sharing words of wisdom she offers parents during their first doctor’s visit, something she learned while training to be a doctor. Does she admit it? every The child will be raised by two parents, which aren’t always mom and dad, but this is the most common setup and often falls into familiar patterns…
“If either parent is leaving the room, they need to tell the other parent,” she said.
It’s very simple. But for those of you who think this sounds like common sense or Dr. Em gives a great reason why this is one of the best habits you can develop.
“When both parents are in the room, if mom needs to leave the room—if she needs to go to the bathroom, if she needs to change—she will tell her partner,” she explained, before continuing. “Fathers, on the other hand, will often get up and leave the room because they know their mother is there.
“The problem is, that makes mom the default caregiver. Even if there are two parents in the room, if one parent can get up and leave at any time and not say anything, then there’s really only one parent, and it’s mom. Unless you tell They, otherwise many men would not realize this. If a mother does not know when her duties begin and end, she will always be on duty for the baby.
I can attest to the usefulness of this technology. This is a dilemma my husband and I got into when our kids were little, and it’s been incredibly helpful.
We are eventually applying this technology to life outside the home as well. We have two kids and before going anywhere we established a “primary parent” for each kid so we each only had to “worry” about one of them. (“I have child No. 1. Do you get along with child No. 2?”) If we want to exchange, we have to confirm it verbally with the other person. (“Child No. 2 came up to me and wanted to ride the carousel; can you take Child No. 1?”)
But beyond the usefulness of making sure someone is always watching the baby (and doesn’t default to one of you), I firmly believe it’s a great communication practice that can improve every aspect of your life together. It’s not always easy or intuitive, but the effort is worth it.
