We see it all this time of year! a lot of! Our family! This includes everyone’s favorite character: if your kid doesn’t respond with a loud and immediate “thank you” to her handing over butter, the aunt is going to lose it (that’s a universal experience, right?).
We all want to raise well-mannered children, but not every toddler learns manners quickly. When preparing to meet Aunt Linda (or anyone) in advance, you may want to remind your children to say “please” or “thank you” every time. However, educator Baker Goodman says that may not be the most effective approach.
“If you’re going to be reunited with a family with high expectations, stop reminding your kids to say please and thank you,” Goodman said in a video posted on her Instagram @growwithbeck.
“Now I’m very polite, so I still want them to say please thank you, but I don’t want you to remind them to do it,” she explained.
Isn’t it a bit counterintuitive? Maybe, but hear her out.
“When they say it naturally and off the cuff, they trumpet it and celebrate it. ‘That’s great. Oh my gosh. Thank you so much for thanking me. It makes me feel really good.’ Appreciate it. Thank you very much,” Goodman explained.
“You know, when you start making a fuss, they Do do this when they Noyou will see this for yourself and they will say please and thank you very much,” she said.
There’s a difference between reminding children to do something and encouraging them, and Goodman urges parents to encourage good manners in their children through positive feedback.
Some users are all for Goodman’s approach. Someone commented: “Love this! We work with kids with selective mutism and we all label praise 🙌🏽”
“I always felt humiliated by my parents doing this to me. They would never give me a chance to say it myself or they would humiliate me by ‘reminding’ me. I will never be the kind of parent who makes my kids feel bad about themselves for not expressing gratitude in the right way.
However, some people point out that etiquette is not easy for every child.
“I encourage and coach my daughter – well, she’s eighteen now – for a long time? To thank people? I model how to say, I say for us, I remind her that I do everything . She still feels uncomfortable saying it. Some kids just feel weird saying thank you for being one of them. I don’t know why that’s possible, maybe it’s autism related, but I’m just trying to make it happen. Mention this to kids who show kindness and gratitude,” one user added.
You may not be saying “please” and “thank you” to everyone this year, but before you meet Aunt Linda, try Goodman’s method, just in case.
