Mother-in-laws are notorious for making women feel, well, bad. You always hear horror stories about spending three minutes trying to swaddle a baby, and your mother-in-law is sure to let you know she can do it in just two minutes. Do you think the Boudreaux bum balm sold at Target is suitable for your baby? No, your mother-in-law wants you to know that only the Desitin brand she’s been using since the 1970s works for her. Was your labor 10 hours long? Your mother-in-law wants you to know that she only has nine and a half hours to live, and she doesn’t take any medications.
And the story of the delivery room. How many stories have you read online about absolute mothers-in-law trying to force their way into a space where they’re not welcome, as if they’ll die if they don’t see their grandchild crowned? Never mind that this can make the environment stressful not only for mom, but also dad, baby, nurses, doctors, anesthesiologists, and those janitors in the hallway who just want to do their jobs.
Yes, unfortunately, this is true for some people. But I’m happy to say that wasn’t my mother-in-law at all. I know that for most women when it comes to who they want to be with them in the delivery room it’s probably going to be someone else, but for me she was my first choice. I know I’m probably in the minority here, but I know she was the woman I felt most comfortable with during labor. I know she will take care of me and fully support me.
Due to the COVID-19 pandemic, apart from my husband, only one other person was allowed to accompany me in the delivery room. Although I was willing to get an epidural, I still wanted my birth experience to be as intervention-free as possible, and I couldn’t afford a doula. Although my mother tried to be helpful, she had a C-section and encouraged it. My mother-in-law gave birth to my husband naturally and I knew she would support me and support my decision no matter what. I know she will keep me calm and be my advocate.
My mother-in-law is a special person because she is a rare combination of thoughtful and helpful, easy-going, and fun. She’s the kind of person who’s hard to meet, and the kind of person you want not just as a mother-in-law, but as a friend. She is easy-going, fun, and reliable at the same time. She always seemed to know exactly what to say and when to say it, and she was so easy to love.
When I first started dating my husband, she made me feel like part of her family. When we were planning our wedding, she listened to my ideas and worked hard to make sure I got exactly what I wanted. I knew my birth experience would be no different. I know she will be there.
She indeed is. She held my hand, kept me calm and focused, and ran errands with my husband in the hospital so I wasn’t alone. I don’t regret my decision at all, I know I wouldn’t have done it. What I didn’t expect was that our relationship became even closer from that point on. Of course, after she saw me delivering two eight- to nine-pound babies, we naturally grew closer. But it’s much more than that.
My mother-in-law quickly became my person and I knew I could go to her no matter what – for advice, a listening ear, and anything else. She has been a stable person in my life, my husband’s life, and my children’s lives and I am so grateful for her.
My children were spoiled rotten when my mother-in-law was around. But not the spoiled feeling of, “Oh, I really wish you wouldn’t feed my baby,” but the spoiled feeling that you feel when you’re around someone who makes you feel like you’re the best. Feeling spoiled.
I understand this feeling because it is exactly the same feeling my mother-in-law gave me. I don’t know what we would do without her.
madison is a teacher, wife of a firefighter and mother of two young boys. As an INFJ, she’s obsessed with Myers-Briggs and may want to know your type, although she may be embarrassed to ask. When Madison isn’t working, writing for Scary Mommy, or taking care of her kids, you can find her traveling, reading, and trying new recipes.
