Over ten years ago, I quit my corporate job to support my family. Two of my three children have disabilities and I need to pay attention to them. Staying home full time was the right choice for me, but it wasn’t where I thought I would be. When I quit my job, I recalled an afternoon when I was reviewing employee applications with a coworker. One resume stood out from the pile, written by a woman who had been unemployed for some time, presumably because she had been a stay-at-home mom. “She’s so behind,” my colleague said, shaking his head. “We don’t hire people on long term leave.” I cringed and swore that would never be me. But somehow, I’m there. Quitting my job felt like I was losing a part of myself.
As I entered a new phase of my life, I quickly learned how difficult it was to be a stay-at-home parent. Caring for three children with completely different needs is a 24/7 job that includes rotating naps, never-ending meals, multiple early intervention treatments a day, numerous doctor appointments and virtually no adult contact.
Eventually, I found a way to make it work, and in the process gained skills I didn’t even know existed. I find fun ways to entertain my kids. As I took my three kids to three schools in three different towns, I spent hours checking my calendar to coordinate physical therapy sessions and doctor appointments. I also learned how to listen to my body. Breathe and step away when I need space. Call a friend when I need an adult conversation, or squeeze in 20 minutes of exercise when everyone else is busy.
Several years passed. My youngest son started kindergarten, and while I started doing some freelance work, I cleaned out my LinkedIn account. The huge, unexplained gap where I “did nothing” is embarrassing. What will people think? I left it aside hoping no one would notice.
About two months ago, I discovered an option on LinkedIn to calculate time spent as a stay-at-home parent. A warm current surged inside me. I’m excited to fill that gap with “full-time parenting, career break,” even though it’s definitely not a “break.” It was the hardest working period of my life.
The more I think about it, the more I realize how much these six years have impacted me. They matured me in a way that I didn’t know existed. I’m more productive, I’m more emotionally aligned, and I don’t sweat the small stuff. I know how to get things done, how to plan days, weeks and months ahead around layers of responsibilities, how to juggle reams of paperwork, how to advocate for my children and get them the resources they need, and How do I ask for help and take a step back when I know I’m overloaded.
These skills forced me to recognize who I am, how I want to live, and how to best function in the world. I no longer wish people wouldn’t notice that time when they look at my resume, but now realize how valuable that time was to my personal growth. I’m better at the things that help people succeed in the workplace because I take the time out. With a fresh perspective and different perspectives, I am more comfortable dealing with different personalities and expectations.
Mothers make difficult decisions. We do our best to make smart choices for ourselves and our families. If we shift our focus, we shouldn’t feel like we’re losing. There are many ways to learn and grow, and employers should value these transferable skills. I don’t feel like I need to apologize or explain my time as a stay-at-home parent. I am constantly learning, facing challenges, and expanding my abilities in new directions. That time is a huge part of my story and I’m proud of it.
Jaclyn Greenberg A former tax accountant, she became a freelance writer when her son was born with multiple disabilities. Jaclyn now writes about parenting, accessibility, and inclusion for The New York Times, CNN, Wired, The Huffington Post, Parents, Good Housekeeping, Fodor’s, and more Written. She is writing a memoir about a family of five coming together. LinkedIn, Instagram, Xwebsite.
