I have to get it off my chest: I hate throwing birthday parties for my kids.
Every aspect of throwing makes me anxious. It’s all too much. There are a lot of little things to consider and I tend to think about all the details. And, of course, there’s money. I’d like to say I’m above social media’s unrealistic expectations for kids’ birthday parties, but I’m not. So I ended up putting irrational pressure on myself to try to create an Instagram-worthy event.
My oldest daughter’s eighth birthday is coming up, but she started talking months ago about what kind of party she wanted to throw. Eva has always loved her birthdays (what kid doesn’t?) and genuinely enjoys planning her celebrations. What about me on the other hand? Not so much.
With the exception of her first birthday party, I managed to host all of Eva’s birthday parties outside the house as I found it easier to plan and host that way. One year we rented a park pavilion, another year she took two friends for manicures and pizza, and last year we had a private art class at the art center in town. In all of these situations, entertaining is built into the mix, and as an added bonus, I don’t have to clean my home thoroughly in preparation for the event.
This year, however, all Eva wants is a Squishmallow-themed party at home, which adds a whole new level of stress to party planning.
I pitched a few alternative party ideas to my daughter, but she stood her ground and insisted that this was the party she wanted. Then I logged onto Pinterest to get some ideas, then quickly got discouraged and closed my laptop.
Why do other parents seem to be able to plan and execute their children’s parties so perfectly? What am I missing?
After my Pinterest meltdown, I called my mom and like the needy daughter that I am, I complained about how terrible I was at it all and showered her with compliments before asking for her help. Thankfully, she agreed to come to my rescue.
My mom knew how to throw a party; apparently, she just didn’t pass that skill on to me. She loved hosting and I’m sure there wasn’t a type of plate or entertaining décor that she didn’t have. When I was a kid, she almost always hosted my birthday parties at our house, which she decorated based on my annual theme, from Luau to the Spice Girls. My heart felt relieved knowing she would be there. Unfortunately, she couldn’t help me with another area I found difficult: social energy.
As an introvert, social gatherings drain me. I have to get myself excited before group activities, especially if I have to chat with people I only know or don’t know at all – like fellow parents.
At Eva’s age, it seems like half the parents are willing to send their kids to birthday parties, while the other half prefer to hang out. I don’t blame any parent for wanting to attend a party with their kids, but knowing I have to make small talk while also keeping a bunch of 7 and 8 year olds occupied definitely adds another layer of stress and anxiety to me as the host human experience.
But perhaps the thing that bothered me the most was whether the event would live up to Eva’s expectations. She had a vivid imagination and always had lots of ideas for celebrations, but it wasn’t always easy (and sometimes impossible) to turn those ideas into reality. I threw her birthday party, fully aware that I would be uncomfortable with the entire process from start to finish, with the sole purpose of making her happy, and that I would be upset if I let her down.
I love my daughter very much and in my opinion she is always worth celebrating. I just wish I had the secret birthday party superpower that so many other parents seem to have so I could actually enjoy her parties instead of obsessing over them.
Ashley Ziegler is a freelance writer who lives outside of Raleigh, North Carolina, with her two young daughters and husband. She has written on a range of topics throughout her career, but particularly enjoys covering all things pregnancy, parenting, lifestyle, advocacy and maternal health
