Friday night is movie night at our house, if everyone’s schedules allow it. We watched everything from Despicable Me to Kicking and Screaming with the two boys. We turned the family room into a sleepover party, complete with sleeping bags, lots of popcorn, and PJs. My kids are obsessed with sports. Really, there isn’t a sports movie they don’t like. My oldest son loves baseball. So naturally I said, “Hey, let’s watch Field of Dreams.”
Oh my gosh, am I not ready?
Here’s what I remember about the movie: It’s about a nice guy in Iowa whose daughter was played by Gabby Hoffman, who was in basically every movie I saw as a kid . This nice guy decided to build a baseball diamond in his backyard and long-dead baseball players would show up to play. This is an innocuous baseball movie to me.
But it wasn’t until last Friday night that the 42-year-old me realized that this movie wasn’t about baseball at all. No, Field of Dreams is about missing your parents when they die, making them proud of you, living the life you imagined, with a side note of banned books, of course.
As my kids watched The Players Emerging from the Cornfield, you can imagine my surprise as it became clear to me that this movie was actually very, very heavy. When I was a kid, I definitely didn’t realize all the financial problems the Kinsella family faced; I certainly didn’t understand that Kevin Costner’s character basically kidnapped Terrence Mann (aka the late, great James Earl Jones) for answers.
Of course, I distinctly remember the scene where Gabby Hoffman chokes on a hot dog and is saved by the doctor played by Burt Lancaster (seriously, I never knew Burt Lancaster was in this movie!) She, thus ending his dream of playing ball on his own. When I was younger, I remember thinking, oh, look, that sweet old doctor walked off the field and took this weird giant step to save kids. I certainly didn’t understand what sacrifice and self-giving looked like until I had my own children years later.
When you are young, you cannot (hopefully) begin to understand sacrifice and the pure all-encompassing love a parent has for you and how you will have that love for your children. But looking at that scene now, I have a different feeling. Now I know the consequences of the choices we all make. I don’t regret having kids – I’m just saying I got to see more of life. As the Doctor steps into the modern world, far away from the dreamland of baseball diamonds, he chooses to be compassionate, helpful, and do the things he trained for long after baseball games are over. In order to save his children, he gave up a second chance at his dream. Sometimes you have to make a choice – or maybe you just do it instinctively – which is inconvenient but necessary.
When the movie ended with Kevin Costner seeing his long-dead father – and thus realizing who “he” was in “If You Build It, He Will Come” – I was completely lost. Kinsella Sr., played by another ’90s player, Dwier Brown, shows up on the field, young, healthy, and taking off his catcher’s gear, unlike the estranged son who died years ago of Kinsella. This scene is famous for many reasons (not the least of which is that it’s the film’s finale). But more importantly, it’s known for outlining how you deal with regrets, things left unsaid, or things you wish you could take back. It’s about growing up; it’s about the special relationship between father and son.
Thankfully, at my age, my parents are still alive, but they are aging. Watching your parents age is a privilege not everyone enjoys, but it is difficult. It forces you to think about what happens next, what you want to say to them and what you want to ask them. It reminds you of how you spent most of your life making your parents proud, from your youngest moments to the last few days. Now as a parent, it makes me wonder, what will my relationship with my children look like as they get older? will i do it them Proud of their mom?
When the camera pans up to the sky – real heaven, get it? – My kids clapped at the end of the movie like they were four-year-olds. As I wiped the tears from my eyes, amazed by the depth of this movie that for years I thought was just another sports movie, I asked my kids if they liked it.
“Yeah, that’s good. I mean, it has Shoeless Joe Jackson in it,” my oldest son said.
So another generation was deceived.
