When I opened the results of my middle school son’s statewide standardized math and reading tests, I wasn’t sure what I expected. So, I guess I was relieved when I saw that his score was right at the top of the bell curve. Having ADHD and a pretty strong aversion to testing, this was a success – it was a huge win that he kept improving and didn’t fall behind in our journey with ADHD.
So far, his academic assessments are very consistent with grades and teacher reports. I can safely assume that his current academic performance is average for his age. But is this okay?
Instinctively, my gut said “yes.” My gut tells me that if he is of good character, kind, and not backward, I should be perfectly content. But then, a hint of self-doubt creeps in Again, I’m guessing that his current grades and level of achievement – even in sixth grade – may impact his future.
I quickly got caught up in thinking: Does all this really matter? perhaps. Does his academic performance reflect his earning potential as an adult? His skill set? Is he capable of coping with life’s difficulties? Looking around at the adults I’ve known since childhood, I think the answer is no. Of course, being at the top or bottom of your academic class can affect future opportunities, but being in the middle can make no difference.
Should I push him to achieve his goals? more? I think he’s doing his best. But as his parent, I think My job is to encourage extra help, tutoring, etc. to help him achieve a higher level of academic success than he could achieve on his own. I’m confused whether The middle is good enough or should I do more to push him.
These questions feel very meaningful and chaos. He is my eldest son, and this is my first time answering questions from older children, and to be honest, I feel incapable of doing so. So, to figure this out, I asked myself a big, simple question: What is the most important thing I want for my son?
The answer is always happiness. Of course, there’s a lot more to the longer, more detailed answer – but ultimately, I want him to grow up to be a happy man.
Will his high school grades affect this? Or are the two even related? I have no idea. But I was worried that I would mess it up and that his failure would be because of me.
When I look at the seemingly happy adults around me, the secrets to happiness don’t seem to be the same. My smartest friends are not always the happiest, richest, or most accomplished. Their happiness may be the product of many different things throughout their lives. Is educational success also paramount?
My gut told me I needed to calm down. Now I see a Kind, sociable, very funny, compassionate kid. He looked happy and I felt like I had to trust that he was going to be okay.
step is a former lawyer and mother of four who often swears. Find her on Instagram @sammbdavidson.
