It’s important to acknowledge all back-to-school feelings

Getting ready to go back to school means more than just checking supplies off a list or buying some new clothes. There is an emotional component involved.

“This moment makes me so sad,” reads a caption on a recent video posted by Valerie, a mother of three who posts on TikTok under the username @valedelcid.

In the video, we see Valerie brushing her young son’s hair before his first day at school. Both he and Valerie felt vulnerable.

“Mom, but I really want to stay home,” the child said in a trembling voice. He seemed on the verge of tears.

“You don’t want to go to school? I thought you wanted to go to school,” Valerie replied.

Warning: You may need paper towels next.

“I do, but I’m going to miss you,” he said as TikTok (probably) melted away.

Valerie replied: “I’m going to miss you too…but it’s going to be an exciting adventure for you, right?”

Then there was a brief silence before Valerie turned in an encouraging manner.

“I’m so glad you went to school and learned something and then you came back and told me all about your day,” Valerie said.

While Valerie is torn between sympathy and hope, she admitted in the caption, “This is hard to navigate because I really just want to cry!“

She is not alone.

Comments are full of emotion and support

To date, Valerie’s video has received 3.6 million likes and over 22 million views. Valerie held back tears, but other TikTok users were crying before the 45-second clip was over.

“The way I cry for strangers is crazy,” one person wrote.

“I cry with you,” another said.

Watching this scene, your eyes won’t get dry. “All moms are crying,” another commented.

“Mom, I feel you,” another person wrote. “Today I dropped off my 3-year-old by myself. It was hard. Yesterday was his first day of preschool and it was a difficult day. I really couldn’t concentrate on work.

Other commenters wanted to know how Valerie’s son was doing, with one saying, “Please tell us he’s having the best day because I can’t – my heart can’t.” (It seems the little guy did. Had a great day.

Valerie did get some help coping with what was a difficult situation for her.

“This is so pure. You are such a good mom,” one person said.

“Moms don’t get enough recognition because they have to be strong. This is a perfect example,” wrote another.

“you [are] Acknowledging his emotions, still giving him love, and listening to him has given him more than he needs,” replied another. “You’re doing great, Mom. Your relationship is so adorable.

Let’s double-click on the last comment.

It’s okay to tolerate negative emotions sometimes

I have two children, one in his first year of school and the other in pre-4 at a new school, which means a longer day and an improvement over the previous two years of play-centered kindergarten format.

When it comes to preparing for homework, lunch requirements, daily must-haves, and other necessities, it all feels so…official and scary I— so I can imagine how he feels.

I expected to hear my son have similar comments about going back to school as Valerie’s son did. While some people do experience the after-school blues, many kids don’t want to say goodbye to summer. It’s hard to watch your children heading into the unknown without a smile on their face, especially when they’re struggling with new experiences.

It’s natural to want to swoop in and tell them not to be afraid – everything is going to be okay, and to make sure they’re having fun no matter what, just like Valerie. But sometimes there is power in bringing the emotion in and being with it for a minute.

Thinking back to those first-day-of-school jitters, my intuition might show my kids tips for overcoming worry or sadness. But I realize they won’t always go through life feeling happy and confident – ​​and that’s okay.

I feel like our generation─especially women─are under a lot of pressure to constantly feel happy and confident because we can (and should) handle it all. Because of this, I personally have a hard time managing emotions other than positive ones and am always chasing the next thing that will make me feel better—travel, oils, massage, or work.

Attempts to protect myself from bad emotions, while well-intentioned, stunted my emotional development and I had to work hard to reverse this over the years.

Validation over protection is better for growth

I’ve learned that when I’m stuck, the most impactful thing someone says to me isn’t “Relax. You’re going to be fine,” but “You have a right to feel this way.” Despite our best efforts to always protect and Maintain their well-being, but children also deserve to have their emotions heard and felt.

There is no doubt that I am not a perfect parent or psychologist. I just want to live and raise my children in a “know better, do better” way.

I think the only way to learn how to manage uncomfortable feelings is to experience them, sit with them, and understand that it’s normal to not always feel good.

So when my son expresses all of his feelings about going back to school, I don’t immediately try to filter them. I would feel those feelings with him and then help him put one foot in front of the other, even if neither of us were 100% sure where we were headed.