I often hear the misconception that only children must feel sad and lonely without siblings. As an only child and the parent of “only” one child, others often assume I felt isolated growing up “alone” and ask when I will have a second child to give my daughter a “friend.” Yet sadness and loneliness are no Memories of growing up as an only child, or things I observed in my daughter. In fact, the opposite is true.
“In our culture, there’s a stigma about only children feeling lonely because they don’t have siblings, but the experiences of many adult only children tell a different story,” says mental health therapist, Once and for all: A guide to raising a happy, thriving only child.
When I was a child, I remember having close friendships and having lots of time to socialize through school, playdates, sports, summer camps, and other activities. My parents would even let me invite my cousins or friends to some of our family vacations. I was (and still am) very close to my parents and consider our family dog my “brother.” When I’m not spending time with friends, parents, extended family, or canine “brothers,” I enjoy playing independently and learning how to entertain myself, a skill that has become invaluable to me to this day. Even as an adult, I have some long-term best friends who are like sisters to me.
My husband and I also wanted to make sure our daughter didn’t fit the lonely only child stereotype. While I admit it’s been hard for her to get out of the situation during COVID, she now has a lot of social interaction (sometimes too much!) through preschool, parent classes, play dates, and birthday parties. She often talks about all the friends she has made and she seems to be a happy and thriving child.
That said, it doesn’t mean that only children no way Lonely. Sometimes when I was playing alone as a child I wished I had a playmate or felt I lacked social connections as an adult. But Green said it can happen whether you’re an only child or have siblings.
“Only children are no more lonely than children with siblings,” she explains. “There are many reasons why children with siblings may [also] Feelings of loneliness, such as when siblings are very different in age… have little in common, or don’t get along well.
Still, because your only child may feel lonely at times (just like everyone else), we talked to Green about tips for dealing with this and helping them stay socially connected.
How to tell if your only child is lonely?
“One sign that your child may be lonely is if they constantly ask for a sibling,” Green told us. “If your child asks multiple times a week or even a day, consider whether they might feel lonely and how you might be able to provide your child with more companionship.” Here are some tips she recommends.
1. Sign your child up for extracurricular activities or team sports after school or on the weekends.
“If your only child is feeling lonely because he doesn’t have anyone but his parents to attend important school or sporting events, see if you can invite family friends or neighbors to join them,” Green added.
2. Invite your child’s friends to a family vacation or outing.
“For prepubescent or older only children, [they] They might have more fun if they could bring their friends to a fall festival or amusement park,” she said.
3. Consider getting a family pet, whether it’s a dog, cat, hamster, bird or fish.
“Pets can provide regular companionship in the home,” Green said. In fact, research shows that interacting with animals can lower stress levels and improve mood.
4. Develop close relationships with extended family, such as grandparents, aunts, uncles, and cousins.
“If your only child has cousins, even if they’re not from here, do your best to cultivate that relationship,” Greene advises. She recommends weekly phone or video calls, sleepovers, travel, and attending their major milestones, such as birthdays.
5. During the holidays, if your children feel lonely because they are the only ones at family gatherings, consider celebrating with friends and friends’ families.
“For example, you could invite your only child’s friends and their families to a Friends Day celebration the weekend before Thanksgiving. [become] A new family tradition,” she said.
An important thing to remember: “Many adult-only children report that they rarely felt lonely growing up, given adequate opportunities for companionship,” Green said. In fact, many people believe there are benefits to not having siblings.
So let’s change the narrative that only children are destined to be lonely. They can be just as social, happy and prosperous as those with siblings.
