So, you are divorced. Welcome to the club no one really wants to join. But once you’re here, you might as well make the most of it, right? I’m here to show you what life is like after divorce.
Being a single mom, especially after a marriage ends, can feel like you’ve been thrown into the rapids without a surfboard. But trust me, you will find your way back to shore. Once you get your bearings, you may even find that the water is quite nice.
Let’s explore the steps you can take to heal, find your footing, move on, and start over. Here are some steps you can take to cope with the painful emotions of this difficult experience and create a new, better version of yourself.
10 Tips for Starting Life After Divorce
understand your emotions
At times, it feels more like a haunted house, full of surprising jump scares, right? For a moment, you feel relieved and ready to conquer the world on your own. Then you suddenly find yourself crying over an old photo or that weird coffee mug he insists on keeping – why on earth did I agree to do this?
One day I found myself crying in the supermarket aisle because I saw his favorite cereal. It’s not even a particularly good cereal. Honestly, it tasted like cardboard. But I held the box like it was a lost treasure, full of resentment. A lovely old lady walked by, saw my tears and kindly said, “Honey, it’s not worth crying about.” This brought me back to my senses. We laughed together and it reminded me of how elusive emotions can be after divorce.
These emotional ups and downs are completely normal. You may go through the stages of grief—denial, anger, bargaining, depression, and acceptance—though the order is not necessarily neat and predictable. It’s more like trying to fold a fitted sheet: you squirm and twist, thinking you’ve got it sorted, only to find it’s still a tangled mess. But eventually, with some patience (and maybe a little help), it will start to make sense.
The key is to allow yourself to feel your emotions without judging them. Give yourself time to heal. Cry when you need to…seriously, let it all out! It’s cathartic. Laugh when you can, even if it’s about something stupid. Like, your life would be so much better if you didn’t have those awful cereals in your cupboard.
Establish a support system
Your emotional support system is like the Kit Kats you hide in the secret pocket of your favorite shoulder bag. These are the people who will lift you up when you’re feeling down, remind you of your strength when you doubt yourself, and make you laugh when you just want to be sad that your marriage is ending.
Your best friend knows when to show up with a bottle of wine. Your mom always has the right advice (or at least a warm hug). Or even that sweet neighbor who never runs out of encouraging words (and warm cookies). These people will help you cope with and make sense of your thoughts and feelings. There is nothing wrong with seeking help with emotional issues. Sometimes, just hearing a heartfelt “me too” from someone who truly understands what you’re going through can make you feel less alone.
But here’s the thing: Don’t be afraid to ask for some extra advice and professional help. Therapists, support groups, and online communities are like adding extra layers to your favorite chocolate. They take something good and make it even better. Seeking professional support and legal advice can be invaluable in helping you navigate the murky waters of post-divorce life.
Focus on self-care
As a mom, you may find it difficult to take care of yourself. But you’ve been through the pain, so now it’s time to reward yourself. Self-care isn’t just about indulging in bubble baths and chocolate (though, let’s be honest, those are non-negotiables). It’s about taking care of yourself in every way. Don’t underestimate eating well, getting enough sleep, and moving your body, even if it’s just a quick walk around the block. Exercise releases endorphins, which is basically nature’s way of giving you a high-five.
In addition to taking care of your physical health, your mental and emotional health is equally important. Don’t forget the power of mindfulness and meditation. Even just five minutes of deep breathing can drastically change your day and release negative emotions. Self-care will help you create a better version of yourself and regain your health.
rediscover your identity
Remember those things you loved before marriage, kids, and divorce turned your world upside down? Yes, they are still there, waiting for you like a long-lost friend. Try reconnecting with something you once enjoyed or picking up a new hobby. Always wanted to learn to draw? Pick up a canvas and sign up for the class. Miss a good book? Dust off the dusty novels on your bookshelf.
I remember when I finally picked up my old guitar, it had been sitting in the corner like a neglected houseplant for years. At first, I was very unimpressed by this. But when I started playing, it felt like reconnecting with an old friend who was more patient than I deserved. It’s rusty, and I’m rusty, but it’s also pure joy.
This is your chance to rediscover who you are outside of being someone’s partner or mom. You’re not just a mom who picks up her kids or makes sure there’s always enough milk in the refrigerator. You are still you, with passions and dreams waiting to be rekindled.
Set new personal goals, even if they are small at first. Seize this opportunity for growth and adventure. Now that you have the time and space to explore, you might be surprised by what you’re capable of.
Don’t feel guilty about trying things you might enjoy.
Establish new routines
Routines may sound boring, but now, they’re your best friend. Divorce can feel chaotic, but routine can bring stability. Start small: a morning coffee ritual, a weekly family movie night, or even a daily walk around the block.
These small habits will give you something to look forward to and help you create a sense of normalcy, especially when things feel overwhelming. They are like little anchors in your day that keep you grounded when life throws storms. The best part? They’re a sneaky way to practice self-care without you realizing it.
Explore new relationships
Dating after divorce…wait, what? Just the thought might make you want to throw yourself under the covers. I get it. The idea that you will meet other people can be very scary. But here’s the thing: When you’re ready, finding new love can be an exciting new chapter in your life.
Instead of rushing, take the time and space to grieve. Dip your toes into the water slowly if you want, or run at full speed when it feels right.
When I first started thinking about dating again, I was sure it would be like trying to ride a bike after years of walking. I remember sitting in my car outside a coffee shop, trying to convince myself that going on a date was a good idea. My internal dialogue was a mixture of “You got this!” and “Run as hard as you can!” But when I finally walked in, I realized nerves were just part of the process, and they wouldn’t last forever.
When you meet new people, you’re not looking for someone to “complete” you. Just because your marriage ended in divorce or you feel lonely, doesn’t mean you’re incomplete. Instead, look for a new person who will add to your happiness, someone who will complement the already awesome person you are, rather than someone who needs to be the only source of happiness.
And don’t forget, it’s okay to have fun along the way. This is part of the healing process.
Manage financial changes
Financial situations after divorce can be very dire and feel like another layer of betrayal. Suddenly, you’re faced with a whole new budget and financial reality, and it’s not always pretty. Due to financial difficulties, you may even wonder if you have made the right decision. But don’t worry; you’ve got this.
First, have a clear idea of your income and expenses. It can feel like facing a monster under your bed, but trust me, it’s better to know what you’re dealing with.
Create a budget that works for you, not against you. Think of it as your financial game plan. If you find yourself a little lost, don’t hesitate to talk to a financial advisor. They’re like your financial GPS, helping you navigate the twists and turns.
Hey, if you haven’t already, get a copy barefoot investor Author: Scott Pape. It’s written by our fellow Aussies and is full of practical advice.
Set boundaries with your ex-partner
When co-parenting after divorce, it can feel like we’re tiptoeing through a minefield, but healthy boundaries are your secret weapon. They are your map to flatter terrain. In the midst of upheaval, be clear about what you need—whether that’s setting rules for communication or dividing up parenting responsibilities. Stick to your boundaries like glue, but stay flexible when it’s best for your child. If necessary, practice assertive communication.
Here’s a little reminder: There’s no need to be best friends with your ex. You just have to be civil enough to co-parent effectively. Think of it like a business partnership – professional, courteous, and all about getting the job done right. The goal is not friendship; It’s raising happy, well-adjusted children.
Embrace change and move forward courageously
Change is difficult, but it’s also a fact of life. A glimmer of hope? You are much stronger than you think. Be open to new opportunities that come your way, whether it’s a new job, a new hobby, or even a new outlook on life. Instead of dwelling on what went wrong, use this opportunity to build resilience and let go of things that may no longer serve you.
I remember the first time I had to tackle a home repair problem myself. I stared at a leaky faucet like it was a puzzle I’d never seen before. At first, I panicked and thought, “I’m not cut out for this!” But after watching some YouTube videos and talking to myself a lot, I figured it out. It’s not perfect, but it works and I feel like a champ.
That’s the thing about challenges: they seem daunting at first. But when you face them head-on, you’ll find they’re not as scary as they seem. Instead of seeing challenges as setbacks, start seeing them as opportunities to grow and learn. This small shift in mindset will help you move forward with confidence, and who knows, you might even find a little excitement along the way. Every challenge you overcome proves that you are more capable than you thought.
Prioritize your child’s welfare
It’s not just you and your children who are going through divorce. Your children are going through this transition too, and they are paying close attention to you. They will take cues from the way you handle things. Be there for them emotionally, offering support and understanding while also giving them the space they need to process everything in their own way. Open communication is key. Let them know it’s okay to talk about their feelings, but don’t force it on them if they’re not ready.
Co-parenting may not be a walk in the park, but it doesn’t have to be a nightmare. First, avoid blaming–if you feel you can never forgive your child’s other parent. With a little patience and more attention to your children’s needs, you can create a new, healthy family dynamic. It’s about finding a balance that works for everyone. Hey, while it may not always be easy, it’s worth it to see your child thrive.
Conclusion: Life after Divorce
Contrary to what you may feel right now, divorce is not the end of the world. Instead, it’s the beginning of an exciting new chapter. Yes, it’s scary, yes it’s hard, but it’s also your chance to create a life that truly brings you joy. Think of it as a blank page that you can use to write a story that is entirely your own.
There is no right or wrong way to move on. Take it one day at a time and remember, you don’t have to do it all at once. Surround yourself with strong support. Most importantly, don’t forget to find humor in the little things. Laughter is your secret weapon, so use it generously.
I hope you will use these practical tips to help you heal and become stronger. This is your time to shine, rediscover who you are, and build a life that makes you truly happy. So, take a deep breath, embrace the post-divorce feeling, and remember – you’ve done this! The best is yet to come.
