Not long ago, my son real need me. Sometimes he needs more from me than I can give. But suddenly, those days become a distant memory. Although I thought I would enjoy my free time at the time—with the extra head space and not feeling touched every day—the transition was harder than I thought.
My oldest son is now an adult and he needs very little from me. That’s the goal, right? Raise independent children who can do things on their own. That’s what I told myself when I barely saw him anymore. While being needed too much can be exhausting, it can feel lonely when your children barely need you and they want you to stop caring about their business. Like, all the way out.
He still lives at home, but when I ask him questions about his friends, his job, or what he’s going to do this weekend, he gives me very short, vague answers. It wasn’t that he didn’t know what he was going to do. He totally wants to. But he’s reached an age where he shouldn’t be like this have Tell me more about his weekend plans. He can come and go as he pleases. I remember at his age I really enjoyed that freedom, and I know he enjoyed it too. Just as he should be. But I don’t like it either.
Now that he has a girlfriend, he seems to want to keep me out of his personal life. I hadn’t met her yet; I didn’t even know her name, and when I asked him how they met, he mumbled something I didn’t understand. They’ve been together for about a month, and while he may be taking time to get a feel for the relationship, I also don’t think he’s ready for me to be a part of this part of his life.
We’ve always been close and I’ve always been a little overprotective. Needless to say, this killed me and I’m sure it pissed him off.
My son’s independence is nothing new. After getting his driver’s license at 16, he saved up to buy a car while working two jobs so he could afford a gym membership, nice sneakers and takeout. I’ve always admired and respected this side of him. But he was too independent and pushed me away. I had no idea where he was or what he was doing unless I asked.
Come to think of it, his daily life is really none of my business. I certainly don’t tell my mom everything I do, which started when my son was his age. But as a parent, I can’t let go completely. I wanted to know what he was doing, if he was happy, if he had questions about his new relationship. I want to be a part of his life – I always will.
But he knows if he needs me, I’m here. He knew I could talk about anything he wanted to talk about. I’ve made it very clear, maybe even a little too clear, and I’m sure he’s tired of hearing the reminders. But I won’t stop. I want to be informed and that will never change. All I could do was hope that one day soon, he would invite me back.
Diana Park is a writer who finds solitude in a good book, the ocean, and eating fast food with her kids.
