When you’re in the trenches with young kids, it feels like it’s never going to end. There’s no end in sight, and Any form of rest seems so far away that it’s best not to think about what you’ll be doing with your free time. Well, I’m here to tell you, the old saying is true, it does go fast. Yes, I also often roll my eyes when people say these things to me. This is still true.
But now I realize that my kids are grown up and living their own lives: when they were little, I knew exactly what my goals were. I know exactly how our days need to be structured to keep everyone from falling apart. Of course, I’m not a magician, nor do I have any special powers to prevent this from happening all the time, but I Basically knowing how much sleep, food and water my child needs. I know that if we overschedule, the day will end badly…if we underschedule, the same thing will happen.
I’m a mom of three kids who rely on me for a lot of things, and I’m excited to play this role. I love it and wouldn’t want anything else to happen in my life.
Now that my kids are away from home, I find myself even more alone and I feel lost. what on earth should i do Do Now?
It was so strange to go from cooking for a family of four to eating dinner alone. No one wakes up to go to school. I don’t drive my kids around as much anymore. It’s hard to get them together for any kind of event.
My kids deserve to handle all aspects of life on their own. They work, travel, have significant others, hobbies and friends.
Once upon a time, I longed for such freedom, but I had no idea that this emptiness would come with it. I don’t know that this would make me guess what my purpose is. Before kids, I knew exactly who I was and what I wanted to do with my life. I had a solid plan and took the necessary steps to make things happen. When I had kids, I knew the goal was to get through the day.
Now I’m struggling a bit. Filling the extra space, figuring out the best way to spend each day, and allowing myself to dream about the future has been a lot harder than I thought it would be. My kids got in and out with ease. I have more time, which is nice, but if I have plans and one of my kids decides to come home, I want to cancel everything so I can spend time with them.
On top of that, my parents are getting older, so it’s always in the back of my mind. My body doesn’t feel like it used to, and I certainly don’t have the energy to plan the rest of my life with the same vigor as I did in my 20s, when it seemed like the world was at my fingertips and everything was under my control. It’s possible, and I have a lot to look forward to.
Or maybe it just seemed like there was too much structure before. So many steps and now I’m looking at a blank canvas and I have choices. Almost too many choices. I can find a new job. I could sell my house and buy an apartment. I can travel. I could start five new hobbies. I honestly don’t know where to turn.
I’ve been a mom for so long. Of course, I still do, but the role has changed dramatically for me.
I think it will take me some time to figure out what my purpose is now. That’s totally fine.
Katie Lives in Maine with her three children, two ducks and a golden retriever. When she’s not writing, she’s reading, going to the gym, redecorating her house, or spending way too much money online.
