Princess Diana’s Intimate Confession to Dance Teacher Revealed in New Memoir (Exclusive)

A few weeks after Princess Diana’s royal wedding to Prince Charles in 1981, Anne Allen, a dancer and ballet instructor at London City Ballet, received a special request: The Princess of Wales wanted to take dance lessons.

Soon she and Diana were meeting in a private London studio for hundreds of secret one-hour sessions. Over the next nine years, Alan and Diana developed a close friendship. At just 20 years old, the newlywed princess found a confidante in Ellen with whom she could candidly discuss her personal struggles and the complexities of royal life, including her pregnancy, her battle with bulimia and her Growing unhappiness in marriage to Charles.

Ellen, who rarely talks publicly about her time with the princess, decided to write her new book Dancing with Diana; Memoirs (Published Sept. 10) Revealing “her other side, her dancing side, her inner beauty,” she tells PEOPLE in this week’s issue.

In the exclusive excerpt below, Ellen reflects on the most candid (and sometimes painful) moments she’s shared with royal students.

Princess Diana’s first dance lesson.

She walked right up to me, held out her hand and said, “Annie, it’s nice to meet you, God knows how you feel about all this.” She smiled and blushed heavily. I curtsied and presented her with flowers. “Your Highness,” I said, and she immediately replied, “Please call me Diana.” . . I led Diana into the dressing room and slipped into another room to quickly change into my dance clothes. As I stretched slightly by the railing, she emerged, head bowed, in black leotards, pink leotards and ballet slippers. She was visibly uncomfortable. “Please come and stand by the railing and we can chat for a while before we start,” I said. Her pretty face was flushed with embarrassment, but she walked towards me bravely. “Annie, I really don’t know how you feel about all this,” she repeated. I just said, “I love dancing, I know you do too, and that’s what we’re going to do together here.”

Just weeks into the course, Diana revealed she was expecting her first child.

At the end of the session, she asked if she could have five minutes to chat. “Annie, I wanted to tell you that a little one is on the way. I’m pregnant!”: “I want you to know that once it’s announced, ‘they’ will no longer allow me to attend classes, but I want to continue as long as I can.” ” and I didn’t want to be fussed, after all many ladies have children. I asked her if her husband was happy and she said, “Yes, Charles is happy.” “She told me that her mother was a radiant person. I was delighted to see the Princess again and was eager to hear how she was doing and whether she enjoyed being a mother. She greeted me very warmly and we spent most of the class talking about babies. . . . Diana told me that she loved her son very much and wanted to spend all her time with her [baby Prince William]she couldn’t sleep because she wanted to keep checking on him.

Diana gradually became a dancer.

Diana has transitioned from traditional black leotards, pink leotards, and leather ballet flats to more comfortable leotards in different colors, or matching leotards and leotards with white jazz shoes, which are better suited to the moves we do . They made her move around much easier. After I suggested she wear a thong as underwear, she gave me a light yellow dance suit as a thank you gift. “It works much better,” she laughed loudly. It’s very interesting to look back at the dance styles of the 1980s. We look ridiculous, but we’re not wearing matching headbands like Jane Fonda.

Princess Diana welcomed her second son, Prince Harry.

I couldn’t wait to meet Diana and she threw her arms around me in the back of our first class cabin and hugged me warmly. She looked in great shape, even though she had lost some weight, but that was natural after giving birth, so I didn’t think too much about it. . . . She said William and his brother got along well and she loved watching them together. “Everyone seems happy that we now have an heir and backup! Harry’s red hair is a lovely surprise because I know he’s a Spencer and a Windsor,” she laughed. “My dad is excited, but I’m not quite sure how Charles feels about it.”

Cracks began to appear in Diana and Charles’ marriage.

Diana sat on the floor with tears in her eyes and an outpouring of emotion ensued. . . .I can feel the hurt and helplessness in her heart. She was very receptive to my reassurance, saying in the middle, “You must think terrible about me.” I didn’t. . . . After a few more minutes of soft sobbing, she said slowly, “I can’t seem to do anything right about my husband. I do love him very much and want him to be proud of me, but I don’t think he has the same feeling. I just let her talk, not offer advice, just listen. She continued, “I don’t understand why I’m not enough for him; I think he prefers older women.

Someone had previously made a tongue-in-cheek comment that she thought her husband was visiting another woman, which, as she put it, was hard to hear. But the comments seemed like nothing more than suspicion, so I reassured her and reminded her how beautiful she was. This time it’s clearly up in the air and requires a response. I asked her why she felt that way. What happened next sounds pretty shocking. “I know he’s seeing Camilla again. Should I accept this, like other Princesses of Wales before, and people turn a blind eye to their husbands having mistresses! Why doesn’t he love me? I really don’t understand. I’ve Tried everything to conform to his wishes even though I didn’t always agree. I just wanted to be loved and I couldn’t really go on like this. Say nothing and move on. . . There will be several other conversations later, but at this moment in 1986 I try to heal the wound so it has time to heal. Leaves scars.

Diana reveals her battle with eating disorder.

She lowered her head, unable to look me in the eyes, and said, “I’m ashamed, Annie, but I need to tell you that I have bulimia.” It was clear that her shame was causing her pain. “I’m sorry for not admitting this to you until now.” . . Diana explained that her bulimia started when she started attending important events, especially dinners where she had to sit down to eat. . . . It was scary for her to meet so many people and be judged for every move she made, the way she looked, or what she said, which made her feel completely inadequate. Although she became more confident over the years, she still sometimes fell into cycles of bulimia. . . . I told her that understanding the disease was the way forward, adding that finding ways to not judge yourself would come in time.

Tensions with Charles escalated behind the scenes.

From the moment the session began, I could tell that Diana was distraught and distraught. She was trying really hard to control her feelings, but I could tell from her body language and fatigue after the brief routine that this wasn’t something she could shake off. She’s dealing with deep feelings and emotions, and I know she wants to express them, but it’s very difficult – she feels very vulnerable. In sheer despair, she fell to the floor and cried. I feel bad for her. I could feel her pain and confusion.

After a few minutes she started talking through tears and she apologized profusely for leaning on me when I was upset. “I just don’t know what to do, Anne. I find myself in an unbearable situation. I haven’t seen Charles for weeks and he doesn’t want to talk to me. I thought he would come back to me and we would just Can solve the problem. How can I continue when I am no longer needed? Her hurt is deep and she can’t find a way out. My heart breaks for her.

I still vividly remember her inner anxieties and fears, her inner emotional conflicts, and her fear of the future. This is a complicated situation and she’s looking for honest answers and solutions. The issue of separation was raised but I didn’t believe separation was an option and told her that. The palace would never agree and I honestly don’t think that’s what she wants. Diana wanted Charles to be with her and love her. Even though she was in the middle of her own affair, at this point, Charles was still the man she wanted, which is why this was so painful for her. “Keeping my family together is the most important thing to me,” she said while crying.

Alan and Diana’s professional relationship ended in 1989 when Alan moved to Scotland. Over time, their connection faded, and Alan learned at a work event in Toronto that Diana had been in a car accident in Paris.

I prayed that Diana would pull through, but my heart felt so heavy. I know I’m probably kidding myself. I sit up [my daughter] Emily until the news of her death was announced. Her life ended on August 31, 1997. My first thought was William and Harry. How do you tell two young people that they will never see their mother again? I cry for them. I also cried for Charles, who will suffer deeply regardless of the divorce. The circumstances of the death were horrific. . . On the day of her funeral, I joined millions of people from around the world watching the funeral and procession on television.

Afterward, I held my own private vigil at home, surrounded by candles, flowers, photos of Diana dancing, and letters. All I can do is remember and cherish the time we had together. It helps fill the void I feel. It took me quite some time to come to terms with her death over the next few months.

If you or someone you know is struggling with an eating disorder, visit NationalEatingDisorders.org.