Sometimes it feels like every word that comes out of your mouth is “stop,” “no,” or “don’t.” It’s not easy to raise children who are in the “cough” adventurous stage because it feels like everything they do is testing your limits. But one mum has come up with a language trick that could be a game-changer.
Behavior analyst Jenna Mazzillo (@abanaturally) shared a video on Instagram reels in which she explains that these “no-bans” may actually be part of the problem.
“That’s the problem with when we use ‘no’ and ‘no’ statements. We never tell our children what they should do. What are they supposed to do?” she said. “Also, we’re just drawing attention to what we don’t want us to do.” things that children do. “
This makes perfect sense. Imagine starting a new job and every time you start typing in a shared Excel worksheet, your manager sends you the message “STOP” in capital letters. To be fair, you might be a little confused on how to proceed!
“Then what should we do?” Mazilo continued to explain. “Tell our children exactly what we want them to do. Instead of saying, ‘Don’t put your feet up on the chair,’ we want to say, ‘Put your feet down.’ Instead of saying, ‘Don’t talk to me like that,’ be precise. Tell your children what you want them to say.
Children learn so quickly and can easily forget things they may not know. Using positive language will bring some grace to your child. Maybe they don’t mean to ruin your day by asking for things in a rude way, but they don’t understand why “Juice, now!” isn’t the most polite way to ask for a drink.
“If we want our children to understand what we want them to do, then make sure that when you tell them what to do, you use positive phrases and avoid those ‘no’ and ‘no’ statements,” Mazzillo said.
Parents in the comments said they found Mazzillo’s method helpful!
“That’s true,” one commented. “I told my 22 month old not to come into the garage with me and all she heard was come and follow me into the garage 🫠”
“Your advice has helped me so much!!! Thank you so much for providing resources for us parents❤️” said another.
So parents, I’m sure you wish you could remove “no” from your grumpy child’s vocabulary, but maybe it’s time to try removing it from yours.
