My 10-year-old has always been a very practical, no-nonsense kid, so I’m always amazed at how completely he embraces the idea of Santa Claus.
On Christmas Eve, he and his father stared at the Santa tracker, watching the sleigh make stops around the world. He was in constant contact with me throughout December, making sure I sent his Christmas list via snail mail, wondering what items the big guy would be sending this year. December 24 was the most difficult day for him to fall asleep, as he was full of anticipation for what would happen in the morning.
Over the past few years, I’ve thought about: This must be the year he no longer believes it. I knew more and more kids in his class were starting to discover the truth, and I was ready for him to start asking more questions.
The closest we got was when he mentioned a friend who believed in Santa Claus but not the Easter Bunny. “That’s weird. Why don’t you believe in the Easter Bunny?” I responded off the cuff, hoping he wouldn’t ask the question again. He didn’t.
I longed for him to believe for as long as possible. I love that my kid is too cool to be out in public with me, but he still retains traces of his childhood. I will miss the childlike joy he had when he talked about those elves at the North Pole and hypothesized why Santa didn’t just light up his sleigh instead of relying on Rudolph.
But I know it won’t last forever. I am anxious.
I’m worried that he won’t look at me the same way if he finds out. He is my friend, my friend. After his soccer practice, we would stop and eat ice cream together without telling his younger siblings. I would let him stay up late reading chapter books with me, or throw a football around his room while he told me about what he was doing at school. We talk about small things and big things.
So how could I not tell him about Santa Claus?
For a child who sees the world in black and white terms, what are the consequences of discovering that one of his great childhood fantasies was a lie? I worry that he will no longer trust his father and me to tell him the truth. Along with Santa Claus comes the Easter Bunny and the Tooth Fairy – a triple whammy for his imagination.
Part of me wonders if he’s figured it out but is still holding on because he’s not ready to grow up. My stoic kid loves the holidays, and I don’t think he’s ready to give up that part of the holiday magic even if he’s intellectually ready to learn the truth.
Yes, I will tell him everything when he asks me directly. But I was going to tell him that just because there wasn’t a jolly old man in red delivering gifts in the middle of the night, it didn’t mean that the spirit of Santa Claus wasn’t real. There is still so much beauty and joy to be found in the lights, carols and sparkling gifts, the spirit of giving comes alive this time of year and I hope he can still experience it all.
If I’ve learned anything in these ten years of parenting, it’s that I know this child’s intelligence and perseverance will always surprise me, and I’ll lean on that when the time comes. I’m sure he’ll take it all in stride and be committed to fulfilling his big brother role and keeping the magic alive for his siblings.
At least, that’s what I have to believe.
Lauren Davidson is a writer and editor from Pittsburgh who focuses on parenting, arts and culture, and weddings. She worked for newspapers and magazines in New England and western Pennsylvania and graduated from the University of Pittsburgh with degrees in English and French. She lives with her editor husband, four energetic children, and an affectionate cat. Follow her on Twitter @laurenmylo.
