As the holidays approach, many offices, schools, families and individuals will work together in the spirit of giving to bring joy and a bright season to children and families who need a little help making ends meet this Christmas. Toy drives, “adoptive” families and other good deeds peak around December. Giving feels good… but TikTok creator Annie (@mom.behind.the.scenes) urges people to think hard about what that giving looks like and what it is should look like.
Anne describes herself as a privileged person, but she lives in a low-income neighborhood. As a child, she lived in a children’s home with her siblings, and her own children also experienced foster care.
“I think there’s an idea, a concept, that low-income people should be grateful for everything they get. Whatever we give them, they should be grateful… because we gave it to them. If you haven’t been through that, Some things, you may not fully understand what it’s like.
She explained that it’s a privilege to be able to request and receive a specific toy, such as a Barbie, rather than receiving “a dollar store Barbie that can be used for 24 hours and then breaks.” But what about toy-driven kids during the holidays? They might get a cheaper Barbie replacement instead of what they wanted.
“Everyone tells you that you should be very grateful for Barbies from the dollar store,” she continued. “Why? Because others say so, because your income is low.
She said this mentality is about making the giver feel good rather than truly supporting the recipient.
“If we’re buying things for people for Christmas, if we’re donating toys, if we’re adopting a family, if we’re taking steps of empathy and compassion, can we fully consider who we’re buying products for and Something important to them.
Maybe you’re not surprised to learn that Anne received backlash from others online. Many of them boil it down to “beggars can’t be choosers.” In fact, of the many responses Anne gave to her review of the original video, the response to this comment was “the one” she listed as one that people should listen to from start to finish.
“It breaks my heart when I hear people talking about children in need,” she said.
As a child in a group home, Annie wanted a stuffed animal one year and was delighted to receive it. But her brother and sister asked for more specific, more costly items. Her brother wanted a ventriloquist dummy and her sister wanted a Cabbage Patch Doll (just like every other kid in the 1980s). But this is what people may not understand.
“None of us ask for these gifts from strangers: we ask Santa Claus, the church or angels,” she explains. “We asked for what we wanted, no different than kids today asking for iPads.”
She went on to talk about how, as an adult, she was involved in church and was frustrated when she heard congregants talk about people who received the services they provided, such as bus rides, food banks, or toy drives.
“My family often needs these services,” she said, “but because we’re in church we’re somehow considered worthy or deserving.”
One year, the family needed help delivering Christmas gifts. My daughter asked for a toothbrush and socks and was praised for her selflessness.
“She wasn’t selfless: she just never got what she asked for,” Anne explains. “She knew we had no money and she didn’t allow herself to dream.”
“These kids don’t ask hardworking people for money,” she continued. “They ask for miracle workers. Imaginary creatures who can produce anything because that’s what we teach them. We ask children in need not to believe in Santa Claus. … We have to do this by marking the boxes with barcodes and writing It’s so sad to humiliate an entire family by “donating”. It’s disgusting.
As we sign on to help others this season, this is an important idea to consider carefully. Children whose parents cannot give them gifts under the tree for whatever reason are no different than other children. In fact, they may be completely unaware of their family’s financial situation. They had no idea that asking for an American Girl doll was a huge ask: they just knew it was their first wish of the year. They go to the same schools, see the same ads, walk through the same toy aisles at Walmart or Target, just like the kids who will get everything they ask for from Santa this year. They know what they want. And, like other children, they may not always understand. But automatically giving up on their hopes and desires because they should be “grateful”? That doesn’t sound like a spirit for me…
