At this point, we all know the toxic boy mom – her son can do no wrong and her daughter can do nothing. If there’s one thing that’s stopping boy-mom bias from existing, it’s the ultimate boss of favoritism: toxic boy-grandmas.
A woman recently shared a video describing her experience with her “boy grandma,” and we need to talk about how to stop this behavior.
Just yesterday, TikTok user Aly Kima posted a video sharing her story, which has been viewed 1.2 million times.
“My grandmother had three children, two girls and a boy, and she always preferred my uncle, the boy. He was the golden boy who could do no wrong,” Kima explained. “Then my mom and everyone grew up and had kids, now boys and me, so I’m her only granddaughter. She made her preference for my cousins and my brother very clear.
“She’ll be there for my cousins and my brother’s special milestones, but not mine,” Kima continued. “I remember clearly as a kid she had these stuffed bears and the person sitting next to her was about to hold another bear. I was never asked to sit next to her.
Kima also explained that her grandmother was never physically affectionate towards her and would always give her cousins disproportionately extravagant gifts. coin.
She went on to explain that her grandmother’s behavior even ventured into some truly mean girl behavior.
“I remember, she didn’t want me to eat. What I remember very clearly is we had a Thanksgiving and there was a charcuterie board with what looked like cookie breadsticks on it. I ran over and got a breadstick. .I was like seven or eight people and she just scolded me in front of everyone and said it wasn’t for me.
It seemed to me that Grandma was projecting some of her own insecurities onto Kima, like many moms and grandmas of toxic boys. But explaining doesn’t make it any easier to accept.
Eventually, the behavior got to the point where Kima’s parents had to step in and tell her grandmother to stop treating her so badly. However, her grandmother’s reaction doesn’t necessarily make things better.
“I remember she pulled me aside and asked me to sit on her lap. She basically said, ‘I don’t know where everyone in the family got the idea that I didn’t like you, but that couldn’t be further from the truth. “I obviously love you when you are my granddaughter,” Kima said.
“I remember feeling very sad and confused about that conversation, and I was also surprised that she asked me to sit on her lap because she had never asked me to sit on her lap. I did feel like it messed with my head It was kind of confusing, especially growing up, feeling like if I wasn’t perfect, I wasn’t worthy of love,” she explained.
Kima asked parents to carefully examine the way they speak to their children, as the effects may last beyond childhood.
“It has an intergenerational impact on your children and grandchildren. They just want to feel loved, they just want to feel appreciated, and joking about these things is not funny, it’s not cool, and it stays with a person their entire life. ,” she said.
Users expressed support for Kima and shared their own toxic stories.
“My grandmother also only favored my brothers and cousins. This cycle started when she was a child as her parents picked favorites. There is definitely a generational effect.
“You’re not alone. My mom did the same to me and my four sisters. “When they tell you that their tough love comes from a good place, it sets your heart on fire and is constantly confused. “
“Since you are her only granddaughter, you would think she wanted to make this relationship even more special. This is so sad and you don’t deserve this! ❤️,” added another.
Breaking free from generational patterns of preference and emotional neglect is very difficult. To all the moms out there who are breaking this cycle, we’ll see you soon!
