We’ve been telling our girls for years that they can be anyone and do anything, regardless of gender norms. So don’t listen to anyone telling you that girls don’t play sports or study science or have to like pink, we tell them, you are who you are.
But for boys, this information may not be to the extent needed.
Part of it makes sense: we don’t have Tell boys they can do anything because even in female-dominated industries like fashion, the leaders of these industries tend to be men. There are few barriers between a boy and his ambition. But are we teaching boys that it’s okay to be “feminine,” emotional, or gentle? Shouldn’t we? Because the outside world tells them they shouldn’t do it, just as strongly as it tells girls to “leave sports to boys.”
TikTok user @autumnis_prime lamented being unprepared for the whole issue, which artist and TikTok creator Doug Weaver (@dougweaverart) made into a truly brilliant point about the importance of boys seeing men who defy gender expectations and norms.
“Society will try to suppress boys until they behave,” he explains. “That’s why when my son comes home from school with this message – when his peers start saying he shouldn’t wear pink, that unicorns are for girls – I’m in my closet I add a lot of pink to my life. If he wants to paint his nails, I’ll paint mine too, because if he goes to school with his nails painted, other parents will be like, “Hey, why did you let me do that?” Kids paint their nails? “
“But if they see he has his nails painted, and then they look at me and my nails are painted, then they say ‘Oh. He’s the problem, not the child.’ But they don’t say anything to me. .If they weren’t brave enough to face pink, they wouldn’t face me.
Preach the word, Doug.
He wants his son to know that this is a fight worth fighting, not just for men “but for everyone that society tries to reject”.
He gave the example of a boy who wanted to wear a skirt to school and was bullied. He said the boy may have thought that if he changed his clothes he would stop being bullied.
“But that only applies to the current situation,” he points out, observing that a boy who wants to wear a skirt to school almost certainly also has a personality type that doesn’t fit society’s gender norms for him.
“So while they are being bullied for what they wear now, they will also be bullied for who they are in the future. If changing their clothes at a young age can make bullying go away, then they may think that changing their personality It can make the bullying behavior in old age disappear.
This in turn allows boys to pursue masculinity but they never feel they have achieved it because they are not true to themselves. Weaver urged his son to remember the bigger picture.
“Those who wanted to take away the color from him also wanted to take away his creativity,” he said. “They wanted to take away his kindness, they wanted to take away everything soft in his life.”
He wants his son to question why they want him not to do the things girls do? Or a strange person?
there and His son is a role model for violating gender norms and isn’t just there for He is very important.
“If I can be a role model for my son, and he sees people criticizing me from time to time, and he sees that I’m not affected by it, then that’s an example to him of what it takes for anyone to have the strength and tenacity to do to this point.
The ultimate goal is to develop him into an adult who is not only able to express himself authentically, but who can be a role model and source of support for others to do the same. But until then, Weaver wants his son to know that he is loved unconditionally, just the way he is.
This is an important reminder as we teach children that their potential and dreams are limitless: sometimes it’s not about ambition and achievement, but about expression and authenticity.
