What is revenge bedtime procrastination?

We’ve all been there – when it’s bedtime and instead of drifting off to sleep, you pick up your phone and scroll through TikTok for “five minutes” that actually turn into hours. If you still can’t kick the habit, don’t worry because you’re not alone. The phenomenon is so popular it’s even been given a name: revenge bedtime procrastination.

To help better understand this idea, we talked to therapists and psychologists about revenge bedtime procrastination and how to manage it to get a better night’s sleep so you feel well-rested in the morning.

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What is revenge bedtime procrastination?

Revenge bedtime procrastination is when someone deliberately delays sleep in order to regain some personal time. The term was coined by journalist Daphne K. Lee many years ago and is derived from the Chinese term “bàofùxìng áoyè”.

“This can be described as the time of day when an individual finally feels able to engage in leisurely activities for extended periods of time without interruption or judgment from others, often interfering with sleep,” says Aubrey Carpenter, Ph.D., Vermont Licensed Clinical Psychology Scientist and founder of It Takes A Village. “This could include scrolling through social media, watching TV, getting lost in baking or home projects, or any other activity that causes someone to stay up late.”

Parents and revenge for bedtime procrastination

Parents often resort to vengeful bedtime procrastination due to a lack of free time during waking hours. “Limited personal time can affect parents’ overall health, so they will take any opportunity to be alone and relax, even if it ultimately isn’t healthy for them,” Jessica Hunter, LCSW, a licensed clinical social worker in California (Jessica Hunt) said.

Carpenter adds that revenge bedtime procrastination is particularly prevalent among working parents and/or parents with ADHD, who may have particularly difficulty controlling impulses, hyperfocus, and maintaining healthy sleep habits.

Why do parents delay bedtime with a vengeance?

Parents engage in vindictive bedtime procrastination to regain some semblance of personal freedom and autonomy, says psychologist Katherine Nobile, Ph.D., director of the Nobile Center for Psychology. “If their daily lives don’t allow them a lot of personal time, they’ll seek it out on their own, and staying up late can feel like the only chance to relax and do something just for themselves. [them] Uninterrupted,” Hunter said.

The Negative Effects of Revengeful Bedtime Procrastination

As you might imagine, revenge bedtime procrastination can have negative consequences, including sleep deprivation, a weakened immune system, and mental health issues.

“A continued lack of adequate rest weakens the immune system, making a person more susceptible to illness and increasing the risk of chronic diseases such as diabetes, obesity and heart disease,” Dr. Nobile said. “Cognitive effects are also significant; impaired sleep impedes memory, attention and decision-making, causing difficulty in performing daily tasks and increasing the likelihood of accidents.”

Emotional and mental health can also be affected, as sleep deprivation is associated with increased levels of stress, anxiety and depression. Nobile added: “The long-term consequences of regularly sacrificing sleep for personal time highlight the importance of prioritizing good sleep hygiene in order to maintain physical and mental health.”

How to Stop Revengeful Bedtime Procrastination

There are many ways to deal with revenge bedtime procrastination. A 2024 study proposed a dual-process approach that involves using cognitive and behavioral techniques to reduce bedtime procrastination.

“Cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT) is an evidence-based intervention that is particularly helpful for insomnia or anxiety and emotional challenges that can interfere with sleep and the numerous demands of parenting,” said Dr. Carpenter. “CBT Designed to help you identify patterns, negative beliefs, and maladaptive coping behaviors that may be interfering with your ability to spend your evenings the way you want.”

Here are some additional tips to help overcome vengeful bedtime procrastination, according to our experts:

Make time for relaxation during the day. To prevent staying up late, if you have time, try to use your waking hours to recharge. “Try to make time and space during the day to replenish your coping cup so that the pull of procrastination at night isn’t as strong,” says Nina Kaiser, a practicing psychologist and owner of a San Francisco practice. “Maybe it’s taking a short exercise break with your partner, maybe it’s scheduling a 15-minute lunch break, but the more you can find ways to meet your needs and reset yourself during the day, the less intense you’ll feel about being pulled away at night. Do this procrastination thing.
Keep your phone away from the room. If you want to browse social media before bed, Kaiser recommends keeping your phone out of the room if possible. Feel uncomfortable with this? You can place it on the other side of the bedroom where it’s less accessible so it’s not as easy to grab when a notification goes off.

Take a deeper look at your values. Carpenter often talks with her clients about taking stock of their values to identify values-aligned behaviors and activities that help parents refill their cups at the end of a long day. “As humans, we often experience a distressing sense of cognitive dissonance when our daily activities are inconsistent with our values, so we may engage in retaliatory procrastination before bed as a way to avoid breaking patterns and A way to participate in real life.
Try mindfulness techniques. Mindfulness and stress reduction techniques can also help reduce vindictive bedtime procrastination. “These methods can help address the stress and anxiety that often causes people to delay bedtime in order to find some me-time,” Dr. Nobile said. “Practicing mindfulness through meditation or controlled breathing can help calm the mind and signal to the body that it’s time to take a break.” In addition, stress management strategies, such as setting clear boundaries, organizing tasks effectively, and exercising regularly, can Further reduce stress that can lead to late-night procrastination.

Best Sleep Hygiene Practices

To help promote a better night’s sleep, there are some sleep hygiene habits you need to consider. “Maintaining good sleep hygiene helps maintain a daily rhythm and high-quality sleep, which is critical to a parent’s well-being and ability to be the best version of themselves for their children,” Carpenter said.

First, Dr. Nobile emphasizes the importance of a well-designed sleep environment. “A dark, cool, quiet environment can increase comfort and minimize distractions,” she says. Other relaxing pre-bed activities, such as gentle stretching, reading, or meditation, can also prepare your body for rest. “Good sleep hygiene can help signal to your body (and brain) that it’s time to sleep,” says Hunter. “This can make it easier to resist the urge to stay up late.”

When to talk to a professional

If, despite your attempts to address the habit, it persists and seriously interferes with your daily life, it is recommended that you seek professional help to address vengeful bedtime procrastination. “If persistent sleep deprivation begins to affect your overall health, mood, or cognitive abilities, or if you are struggling with increased anxiety or stress related to your sleep patterns, professional guidance may be necessary,” Dr. Nobile explain. “Recurrent sleep problems that are not resolved by standard sleep hygiene techniques should also be discussed with a health care provider.”

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