What is Thinking Daughter and why is it popular?

Following the phenomenon of “eldest daughter syndrome”, a new type of daughter has entered online chat: the “thinking daughter”.

She is very similar to her eldest daughter, responsible, anxious, and easy to like. However, the eldest daughter is usually strong-willed and controlling, while the “thinking daughter” is more introspective, more cerebral in her pursuits, and a devout overthinker.

Experts say this isn’t always a bad thing. There are many ways caregivers can connect with their “thinking daughters” and help them thrive.

How did the “Thinking Daughter” trend start?

So how do the spotlight-averse “daughters of the mind” find their viral moments? Well, it was born out of the backlash when an offensive internet issue resurfaced.

The street interviewer asks, “Would you rather have a gay son or a sexy daughter?” Yes, this convoluted inquiry is meant to be provocative while underlining social prejudices and stereotypes. The word “thot” is short for “that h** over there,” and there’s no need to explain why calling women that is offensive and derogatory.

But in a moment when the internet really knew it had to do better, women on TikTok took charge and turned the term on its head, turning “ideas” into “ideas.” With this subtle shift, “Thinking Daughter” suddenly shared on TikTok, seizing the opportunity to introduce herself.

What does “thinking daughter” mean?

TikTok users who consider themselves “thoughtful daughters” explain that their brains are constantly chattering about being well-received in every situation and make dark choices in their media consumption to make themselves feel seen. Seek comfort. Think of singer Fiona Apple and writers like Lana del Rey, Sylvia Plath, and books like Wuthering Heights.

Dr. Nicolle Pacifico, a clinical psychologist who specializes in pediatric behavioral health at Heritage St. Joseph Medical Group in Providence, believes “thought daughter” is a new term for a long-standing phenomenon.

“These young women growing up in the post-pandemic world often feel misunderstood and socially isolated because people may not understand them as well as they would like or need to,” explains Dr. Persico. “These girls tend to be affectionate, conscientious, and loving. They overanalyze every situation and may find themselves wondering if they said or did something wrong, or if their friends really like them.

The weight of constantly worrying about everything you say or do sounds troublesome and overwhelming. But in an attempt to understand the mindset of a “thinking daughter,” Dr. Pacifico believed Taylor’s lyrics in “Who’s Afraid of Little Old Me” summed it up: “So tell me it ain’t got nothing to do with me. But what if it was?”

But the need to be understood is a core characteristic of Thinking Daughters.

“These girls have these thoughts running through their heads. When they find people in their lives who truly understand who they are deep down, they thrive,” Dr. Pacifico explains. “It might be helpful to talk to their parents, sisters or best friends – especially if they can validate her emotions.”

How to contact “Thoughtful Daughter”

The secret to connecting with your “thinking daughters” is to allow them to feel without judging or criticizing.

Don Grant, PhD, MA, MA, DAC, SUDCC IV, national consultant for health device management at Newport Healthcare, recommends that parents ask questions, listen rather than preach, and don’t lead to disaster because of inadequate parental protection or their own experiences or fears.

Remember, being emotional is just part of being human at times, but for teenagers, these feelings may be more intense.

Dr. Grant explains, “The underdeveloped adolescent brain is also prone to exaggerated emotions, produces uncontrollable impulses, and is excessively and permanently susceptible to the influence of peers and social media.” Many adolescents are not yet equipped to process and regulate their own emotions. Emotions and experiences occur as fast as a more mature, experienced brain is typically capable of.

Overall, Dr. Pacifico’s advice to parents who love their “thinking daughters” is to get really good at actively listening and validating their emotions. The most important thing is to know that “thinking daughter” has talent.

“Being an overthinker is the same quality that gives them superpowers,” Dr. Pacifico explains. “They think about others; they think about their own needs and desires; they think about how to speak in a way that’s not hurtful. They think too much because they care too much. That’s a gift the world could use more of.

When to Worry About Your “Thinking Daughter”

It is important for parents to understand that “thinking, analyzing and reflecting” is not “bad” behavior. Dr. Grant believes that the behavior of “thinking girls” often results in wonderful ideas, maturity, and healthy self-discovery, creativity, and awareness. But if the features are not historic and seem sudden, Dr. Grant warns against blind acceptance.

“Instead, I recommend a nonjudgmental, supportive investigation into what might have happened or changed to cause such a profound transformation in character and image,” he explains. “Consider their current friend groups, interests, hobbies, sources of online engagement, and determine if anything has changed significantly or been abandoned for no apparent reason. Explore who and what they are currently reading and listening to, and pay attention to any new influences .

Rather than challenging these choices, delve into them, with the goal of having the opportunity to discuss them maturely and intelligently.

Also, pay attention to the time they spend alone. While this is not unique to “thinking daughters” and teens’ need for solitude also increases as they seek independence, it can be worrisome at times. Dr. Grant recommends intervening or Seek professional assistance.

It’s also important to note that overthinking can be a symptom of anxiety. If your child seems to be struggling with anxiety, it’s best to seek professional help.