What is Venmo Mom and why is it popular?

Memo to parents everywhere: A new parenting term has entered the lexicon. This is “Venmo Mom”.

You might want to get yourself a cup of coffee or tea and pull up a chair, because the broader debate about parenting that this term raises is an important one.

What’s going on with “Venmo Mom”?

First, some very important background. Casey Neal, a Tennessee mom, recently posted a TikTok video in which she explained that she would rather donate money to support her child’s school or sports team than volunteer.

“What if the room mom needs money to get everyone involved? OK. I’ll Venmo the money right away…I don’t want to set up…I even told a coach today that I’m a Venmo mom.”

“Proud Venmo mom,” Neal wrote at the end of the video.

The mom noted that while she certainly makes sure her kids do their homework and get to school on time, she gets stressed when their kids’ schools or sports teams ask parents to volunteer their time.

“I don’t know about other people, but ‘Meet the Teacher’ was very stressful because I didn’t want to be a part of it,” said Neil, a mother of four. “I don’t want to be a member of PTO, PTA, Room Mom, Team Mom — I don’t want to do any of that.”

She also worried that other parents would often judge her when she chose not to volunteer, adding the caption to the video: “All judgment comes from room moms and team moms.”

Refreshingly, the vast majority of comments on Neil’s post were positive.

One wrote: “A Venmo mom involved! Don’t sell yourself short! (Veteran teacher).”

Another said, “As an introvert, please don’t ask me! But I will send all the stuff and money and cheer for the crowd.”

Even caregivers who volunteer are Venmo parent advocates. “As a Room Mom and Team Mom, I want to thank you so much for being a Venmo Mom!” one stocked.

But some were curious about Neil’s reluctance to volunteer. “Can I ask why?” one commenter asked, while another added: “I love it. And don’t understand why people don’t volunteer. My kids grew up in , and they all told me how great it was to be a part of it.

No, you shouldn’t feel guilty for not volunteering at school

There may be a number of reasons why volunteering at your child’s school isn’t on your to-do list. You should never feel guilty about the choices you make as a parent when it comes to your level of involvement in school or extracurricular activities or anything else.

It goes without saying that every parent has the right to do what is right for them. It means you are willing to participate in volunteer activities to a greater or lesser extent.

“Parents are doing their best and often wear multiple hats and roles every day. So they have to pick and choose what they are capable of doing. We all know we can’t do it all,” said Rayner Patel, LEP , BCBA, parenting expert and positive psychologist.

Patel adds that choosing how you want to be present for your children, and doing so in a way that protects your mental health as a parent, is a valid and important decision.

“Just show up in some way and do what’s best for you and your family,” Patel said. “It looks a lot like providing financial help.”

Volunteering at school can be stressful

It goes without saying that there is absolutely no need to judge another parent’s decision.

Ruth Ettenberg Freeman, LCSW, founder and president of Peace At Home Parenting Solutions, observed that Neal mentioned the stress of being a Venmo mom three times in her TikTok videos. Rather than criticizing or judging Neil or any other mom for her choices, it’s important to be supportive.

“In my decades of work as a parenting educator and psychotherapist, I have heard from many parents about their concerns about engaging with schools and educators, concerns that were based on their own childhood experiences, sometimes even in Trauma in school,” Ettenberger-Freeman said.

Parents’ past experiences in school settings may have involved humiliation, harsh punishment, racism, bullying, and other significant harm. There is no way of knowing what the specific trigger is, if any.

“But it’s clear that going to your child’s school and maybe even coming into contact with an educator is very painful on some level,” Ettenberger-Freeman added, to which Neil — or anyone who expresses this — Emotional parents – “Deserve empathy, not judgment.”

Doing what works for you is the right way out

Whether you’re a Venmo, Team, or Room parent, it’s all up to you. This is your parenting journey. So, do what works for you and your kids.

“We should never judge parents for knowing how to help,” said Patel. “The bottom line is that this mom is doing whatever she can to help. She’s choosing to donate money, which is definitely a contribution, and she’s not the first parent to do that.”

Some parents have the time to volunteer and participate in classroom activities, while others may not have the time due to work schedules, or simply because they prefer to contribute in other ways. No matter where you fall on the spectrum, it’s equally valid.

“There’s a place for every type of parent,” adds Patel.