As we pack away the turkey leftovers and look ahead to the next holiday, we start with the best intentions. this This year we will be calm, relaxed, and in the moment. this This year we won’t stress about family drama, put off wrapping gifts until December 24th, and actually take a photo of everyone dressed up and looking in the same direction.
Then, like every year before, a kid gets sick an hour before your holiday party. Money was getting tight and we were worried about having a magical enough morning under the trees. Or we find ourselves shaking our heads at how “happy and bright” we should be feeling when all we want to do is take a nap—not just the next day, but throughout January. In 2023, a survey released by the American Heart Association found that one in four moms surveyed said it took them a month or more to recover from the holidays. The survey also found that 71% of respondents said they regretted not enjoying the season or taking time to relax.
But what can we do? The magic of the entire season seemed to come directly from our planning, good mood, organization and entertainment. According to a report from CS Mott Children’s Hospital (Children’s Health Center at the University of Michigan), twice as many mothers as fathers say they feel holiday stress.
So, is this possible? Can we have the peaceful, joyful holiday we have longed for since childhood? Here’s what experts and real moms have to say about finding peace and how moms can actually enjoy the holidays.
plan zero
“As a busy mom and workaholic, I want zero-plan moments. When my teenagers are home, we’re all together, watching Christmas movies and playing board games. I hope they enjoy it, too. She’s trying to “stay in good shape,” turning down outside invitations and last-minute plans.
Elegance and space
“Two gifts moms need this holiday season are ‘grace’ and ‘space.’ We need to give ourselves grace and not do all the work — not decorate or attend countless holiday parties trying to create a festive atmosphere for our children. Core memories, but rather the gift of their existence,” says Dr. Robin Koslowitz, clinical child psychologist and author. “We need to give ourselves ‘space’ when it comes to boundaries – especially those of us with painful pasts and complex families of origin.”
Relatives’ understanding
“Parents need other people in their lives to give them a break,” says parent educator and clinical counselor Dawn Friedman. “Grandparents can reflect on how stressful the holidays were for them and consider how to lower their expectations. They can also remember trying to keep a toddler happy during a long sit-down dinner filled with unfamiliar food. Do they remember how annoyed they were when people bought their kids the loudest, flashiest, most annoying toys instead of the winter boots the family really needed? She suggested that grandparents and relatives provide babysitting services to parents. Shopping can be done without the kids, or so they can wrap gifts quietly and privately.
“If you have more than one set of grandparents or extended family, thank God if you don’t come out on top this year. There’s no rule that says you have to celebrate this holiday on the actual holiday.
Reconnect with partners
The magic of the holidays isn’t just about the kids, it’s also about parents’ ability to reconnect after a busy year. Content creator and mother of two Amy Johnson shared her wish list:
“I think:
- take a break
- date night
- Some care from my husband (kneading my feet, massaging my back)
- surprise gift
For this Cleveland mom with kids under two, a full-time job and a side hustle, the holidays feel more like a third job than a time to relax.
Feel free to seek help – guilt-free
You may not feel comfortable asking for help, but it’s important to remember that it’s okay to do so.
“It’s also hard to ask for exactly what you need,” admits psychologist Janna Koretz, Ph.D. “Even if it’s silly or you feel weird asking for help, do it. The more specific you can be, the more likely the person will complete the task quickly and correctly. For example, “Go to Target and pick up some gifts for the kids.” The statement is too vague. Instead, name the details you would pay attention to if it were you. “Please get four gifts for each child; one of them should be a book. Don’t spend more than $50 on each item, and make sure it’s something they don’t already have. While some of these details may seem implicit, But it’s not for everyone.
It was time to deal with the most important things of the season — including herself.
In a culture where social media drives action all Moms need time to prioritize what’s important to them and their families this season, rather than what influencers may suggest.
“The bottom line is, moms need time,” said Dr. Constance Schaff, founder and director of the Human Resilience Project and a mental health researcher. “This means prioritizing yourself first. If you regularly don’t have time to eat properly, rest, bathe, or exercise, you won’t have the energy or internal resources to provide for your family. Build some time for yourself into your schedule and surround yourself with It means saying no. The more you do it, the easier it will be to make time for what matters most to you during the holidays. Bake cookies with your kids, just like you did with your grandma, and instead of trying to cram everything into your day, focus on the things you want to enjoy.
Family nurse practitioner Ena Cardona-Mason agrees. “Taking time to connect with mindfulness or spirituality, whether through prayer, meditation or quiet reflection, can provide a sense of grounding amidst the chaos of the holidays,” Cardona-Mason says. “Try to connect with the happy ‘why’ behind the season, such as your smiling family, beautiful snowflakes, or your favorite winter scent (um, fir tree scented candle!). Remember, happy seasons also start with taking care of Better start by yourself!
As the saying goes, the best things in life can’t be bought – so let’s stop striving for the perfect vacation.
