“How was school?” “Okay.” Period, end of sentence, end of conversation. Classic! I know there’s nothing more exciting than bringing your college student home for the first time – you haven’t seen them in so long! They look so grown up! Are they full? Of course, you’re bound to have a million and one questions about their lives, their classes, and everything in between. However, I don’t expect them to get detailed or enthusiastic answers.
This can be very frustrating, but that’s okay! Of course, you want to know because you care.
But the best way to show this may be to give your emerging adult some space and time to settle down. At least, that’s what @less.awkward mom and parenting expert Vanessa Kroll Bennett suggests in Reel.
“What do college students need from us when they go home?” she asked. “They don’t need us to ask, is it that amazing? Do you love it this much? Are you having the best time? Because if they don’t, that question feels bad.
Kids face a lot of pressure to have a good time at college, whether it’s from their friends, from social media, or even from yourself, even if you don’t mean to. Maybe let them set the tone for the discussion around college, even if it takes longer to get started.
“Secondly, we don’t ask questions about grades or anything like that the minute they walk in the door because, as our friend Harlan Cohen said, they’re exhausted physically and emotionally and they just need to lie down Down,” Kroll Bennett said.
“There are also questions like, do you have a best friend or have you found a significant other,” she continued. “It doesn’t feel good, either, because if they didn’t, what would they say? No? It’s a hard admission.
Basically, your college student is trying to solve a lot of problems on their own. As a parent, you have to trust them will Eventually figure it out (or, if they end up needing help, they’ll come to you). But oftentimes, asking a bunch of questions just makes people feel like they’re remembering all the things they think they didn’t do.
So asking questions is not okay. But what should What do you do when your college student comes home? Give them a break and spend some time away from things that may be worrying them, Kroll-Bennett said.
“They need to sleep. They need to eat well, they need to be comfortable and see the dog. They don’t need to be interrogated,” she said.
“They’re auditioning at school every day and what they need when they get home is safe love.”
Parents in the comments echoed Kroll Bennett’s sentiments, with one offering his own advice on sensitive topics for college students (yes, there are a lot, but hey, they have a lot to deal with!).
“And don’t ask them when they get together with their old high school friends — the dynamics here are complicated, especially in first grade,” one mother said.
Conversations with college students can be difficult for parents. The children have a newfound independence and will live their entire lives without you as a witness. You want to know everything and they tell you nothing.
Maybe one day you can share their college adventures with your kids, and maybe they need to vent about their horrible roommate. But before they decide to tell you, leave your list of questions at the door.
