What parents need to teach their children

Every parent knows the scenario: You say it’s time to leave a birthday party or playdate, and your child starts throwing a tantrum. Or, your child is having a setback at school and they are too hard on themselves, saying they never want to take English class again. It can even start at a younger age. Your toddler’s friend takes away their special stuffed animal and chaos ensues.

These situations are all emotional, but both children and parents can learn skills to help manage all the strong emotions that arise at a young age, especially for emotionally sensitive children. Research shows that children who develop emotional regulation skills early on have better language skills and an understanding of their own emotions. Emotion regulation techniques have even been shown to help improve academic performance and maintain friendships.

Learn about these helpful skills that can help your child regulate their emotions and behavior, and how to implement these skills into your family’s daily life.

What is emotion regulation?

Emotion regulation is defined as the ability to manage and cope with emotional experiences. It is linked to physical and mental health and is a preventive factor against depression and anxiety. Mindfulness is key to emotion regulation: the ability to manage emotional states depends on a person’s understanding of their own emotions.

Of course, emotionally disorder On the contrary, in children it can manifest itself in outbursts, hitting and tantrums.

When to start teaching children emotion regulation skills

Rachiit Bhatt, Psy.D., explains that helping children cope with stressors and daily mood swings actually starts from birth. at Intermountain Elementary Children’s Hospital.

“Although infants are unable to regulate their emotions on their own, responding warmly and coherently during distressing moments is associated with greater self-regulation later in life,” said Dr. Butt.

While children under the age of four may have difficulty managing their emotions and lack some expressive language skills, they rely on their parents to provide a safe, emotionally accepting environment to alleviate any external stressors. However, when they reach school age, things start to change dramatically.

By age 2, children may have frequent tantrums, and parents must mediate them—responding with self-control and support rather than frustration and outbursts of their own. Eventually, however, children should begin to recognize and regulate their own emotions.

“Children begin to develop the emerging ability to self-regulate their emotions around age 5 and can benefit from direct instruction in specific skills,” Dr. Butt said.

By the time your children are six years old, they are able to fully express their emotional states, what they need from others, and can begin to use techniques that their parents have modeled since birth.

The benefits of teaching children emotion regulation skills

Dr. Butt explains that teaching children to cope with their emotions is crucial because it can help set them up for future success when they encounter difficulties. Here are some of the most important benefits of emotion regulation.

Reduce crashes and outbursts

Children who are able to control their emotional states typically have fewer outbursts, Dr. Butt said. Productive conversations about emotions can help parents understand what their children are going through in school and in life, rather than simply reacting to hidden stressors that often come in the form of emotional outbursts.

Improve academic success

Research shows that children who are trained in emotion regulation skills are better able to cope with school stress. This helps children achieve better results and integrate into the school environment, making the transition easier whether they are moving up a grade or entering a new school.

Improve social skills

Emotional understanding has been shown to improve interpersonal social skills. Children who understand their own emotions better are able to form stronger social bonds and develop friendships with others.

Helps prevent depression and anxiety

Children who develop emotional regulation skills tend to be happier and better able to regulate their emotions when faced with stress. This resilience means that when they are sad, they are more likely to recognize the cause of their emotions and seek help from their parents or other adults.

Teach children emotion regulation skills

Emotional regulation is a skill that can be taught. Parents can model skills for their children and set them up for success.

Identify and label emotions

Children can be taught to notice and label their emotions from an early age. Using an “emotion chart” can develop children’s awareness of the range and intensity of emotions while also providing language to express emotional states.

breathing exercises

Slow, even breathing can help slow an elevated heart rate and bring a sense of calm to an anxious mind, plus pausing to practice slow, deep breathing can help children connect to and understand larger emotions. Parents can model slow, even, meditative breathing during times of intense emotion. Somatic exercises are a great option because they reconnect the mind and body.

mindfulness techniques

From practicing yoga with your kids to meditating together, a variety of mindfulness techniques can help regulate your emotions. Young children process larger emotions internally, so sitting quietly with them can help them identify and regulate them.

keep a diary

Dr. Butt says an important tip for older children is to write down their emotions. Through writing, we can better understand emotions. “In order to regulate our emotions, it’s important to recognize where they come from,” she adds.

Teach children strategies for emotion regulation

Emotional regulation skills cannot be learned overnight. They are the result of parents’ ongoing efforts to teach their children what emotions are and how to understand them. Here are some simple ways to help your child develop an emotion regulation toolkit.

Eat together

Family mealtime is a great opportunity for parents and children to share emotions. Games like “Rose”, “Thorn”, and “Bud” are helpful. Each person goes around the table and reveals three aspects of their day: the rose represents the best part of the day, the thorn represents the worst part, and the bud represents something you or your child is excited about.

night routine

Dr. Bhat says sleep is critical for emotional regulation, and establishing a consistent bedtime can help your child deal with their emotions. Reading books about emotions before bed can also be helpful. boy with great feelings Britney Winn Lee’s book is a great introduction.

Emotion Regulation Modeling

Parents who model emotion regulation skills can help children develop their own emotion regulation skills. “As a parent, modeling emotion regulation can help your children know what to do in stressful situations and allow them to better use their skills during painful moments,” says Dr. Butt.

Talk and teach about emotions

Emotions are sometimes tricky, hard-to-identify things, but it’s always good to have an open conversation about them. Talk to your children about your own experiences of being confused about your emotions and how you gained clarity.

Validate emotions

Often, it’s easy for parents to dismiss their children’s emotional reactions as overreactive or “babyish,” but Dr. Bart explains that simply listening and accepting what your child is going through can teach them regulation because you provide a safe place to express yourself.

The Challenge of Teaching Emotion Regulation Skills to Children

Emotional regulation does not develop overnight, and parents should make an effort to recognize that their children are on a long road to emotional maturity. Some children may have more trouble than others, and young children may not be ready to learn all the tools.

Dr. Butt says sometimes you may feel that acknowledging your child’s difficult emotions is condoning bad behavior, but that’s not the case.

“Acknowledgment does not excuse inappropriate or disruptive behavior, but it communicates to your child that you are relevant to their emotional experience and can prevent their behavior from escalating,” she says.

It’s important to know that watching your child go through difficult emotions can be stressful, so it’s important to monitor and manage your own emotions and avoid throwing tantrums, or punishing or yelling when your child has a tantrum.

If you think your older child is having serious difficulty controlling his emotions, be sure to talk to your pediatrician, who may refer you to a behavior specialist.

Finally, neurodiverse children—including those with conditions such as autism and ADHD, both of which can cause difficulties with emotion regulation—may have more difficulty learning emotion regulation skills, and May require adult care at home and school.