If using a public restroom with your kids always results in a complete meltdown—thank you, extra-loud hand dryers and violently flushing toilets—then you’re probably familiar with overstimulation. That tearful, shut-in, get-out-of-here state may look a little different for every child, but no matter how it presents, you should know what to do when your child is overstimulated.
The good news is that all children can learn to cope, and there are ways to lessen the effects of overstimulation on neurodiverse kids, who can benefit from some extra support.
What does overstimulation look like in a child?
The TV is blaring, your kids are arguing, the dog is barking, and it’s hot standing on the stove. You’re familiar with the anxious, about-to-explode feeling of overstimulation, but how do you tell when your child is feeling this way?
“Overstimulation occurs when children are overwhelmed by too many experiences, sensations, noises, and activities for them to handle. Any child, teen, or adult can become overwhelmed by their environment,” Alaa said Dr. Dan Marullo, a pediatric psychologist at Children’s Hospital of Bama.
Overstimulation can manifest as restlessness, fussiness, crying, whining or clingy behavior, Marullo said. Your child may also withdraw from the situation, such as leaving the party to sit by themselves for a while. “Some children may cover their ears with their hands or hide under a blanket or hoodie to reduce physical stimulation,” Marullo said. You can also think of overstimulation behaviors in the same way as anxiety behaviors: They tend to be similar to the fight, flight, or freeze response.
“Fighting behavior may include crying, screaming, and yelling, as well as physical agitation,” says Stephanie Vitel, MD, a child and adult psychiatrist at Baptist Health/Wolfson Children’s Behavioral Health Center Dr. Sims said. “Flight behavior may look like a frantic attempt to escape the situation. Freezing can make your child appear to be shutting down, so may include closing their eyes, being unable to speak, falling to the floor, or covering their ears.
What to do when your child is overstimulated
The biggest tip for avoiding overstimulation is understanding what triggers your child, whether it’s loud noises, crowds, or being too hot or cold. Once you know what is causing them to feel the way they are feeling, you can set parameters around those activities and start helping them cope with overstimulation.
- Talk to your child before getting into a situation that you think may be overstimulating. “Encourage your child to let you know if they are starting to feel overstimulated,” says Vetere Sims. “You can choose a word that is meaningful to your child, such as upset, stressed, overwhelmed, or uncomfortable. Let your child know it’s okay to ask for a break and have a plan for when it will be.
- Set reasonable limits on activities that get your child into trouble. “For example, a child who is playing a game and feels frustrated would benefit from a break. The child may be reluctant, but parents should recognize the child’s behavior and set limits,” Marullo said. Maybe your child loves hanging out with friends, but birthday parties always end up being a bust. Who says you can’t leave after cutting the cake? This may be a struggle at first, but after a few times, your child may realize that this is the best way to have fun and feel sane when they’re done.
- Take opportunities to teach coping skills to manage stress and discomfort. This might look like taking a break from a busy party or emphasizing that they can go home if they’ve had enough. “Experience and brain development and maturation all affect a child’s ability to cope with overstimulation,” Marullo said. “Early experiences and learning how to manage frustration are key skills that will help children grow and mature.”
- Ask your child what helps them calm down forward They need it. Vettel Sims said this was a conversation to have in a “neutral period” rather than an overstimulated breakdown. “Do they like quiet music? Hugs or cuddles? Movement? Comfort items like stuffed animals? Noise-canceling headphones? If you know in advance ways to help your child calm down, you can help them calm down as soon as you see signs of overstimulation. You can start using these strategies.
- Provide support to help your child cope with overstimulating situations. “For children with special needs, such as autism spectrum disorder, parents can take steps to mitigate environmental impacts based on their child’s special needs,” Marullo said. “For example, provide noise-canceling headphones for children who are sensitive to noise. Take your children to the store or restaurant during off-hours to reduce crowds. Of course, teaching and providing therapy to help children with special needs learn coping skills is always important.
Are some children more susceptible to overstimulation than others?
Marullo confirms this with certainty. Age is a major factor; younger children are more likely to be overwhelmed by their surroundings because they are new. They haven’t had time to touch on everything. As they grow from childhood to adolescence, children’s brains also develop the ability to manage their emotions and behaviors more effectively.
“Children with psychological disorders such as ADHD, neurodevelopmental disorders such as autism spectrum disorder or speech and language disorders, sensory problems, intellectual disabilities, depression or anxiety may be at higher risk, although they may also be at increased risk in the care of caregivers and caregivers. Learn to cope and manage with help.
But in reality, any child can be overstimulated, he points out. A bad night’s sleep combined with hunger and a big project to finish at school was enough to do it. Although it may be difficult to cope with right now, helping your child learn to cope with overstimulation is another way you can help them cope with whatever is bothering them in life. This is a lifelong skill that you will both be glad you gave them.
