My husband has coached youth sports since my son was four years old. There is also a sideline parenting drama.
While the time commitment, practice schedule, and kid dynamics can make this volunteer position stressful, the real breaking point was when I no longer had the mental bandwidth to deal with the ramblings of youth sports parents. So I ended up letting him hang up his whistle for good.
Despite his best efforts to avoid arguments, as a volunteer coach he seemed inevitably to be the target of much frustration and disappointment. If he played the same amount of minutes, he would be called a “soft serve” and told that elite players need to dominate the court to win. Parents of underdeveloped players will voice concerns about their children’s athletic development and self-esteem if he gets talent-based playing time. It is impossible to make everyone happy. No matter what he does, there are post-training chats, phone calls and emails. It leads to extra planning and long, thoughtful conversations about conflict navigation, and honestly, I’m tired of it.
Because it not only affects him as a coach, but it affects our entire family. These silly sports-related dramas become the subject of mood dictators and late-night conversations. It affected my relationships with the parents of the kids on the team. Since I know many frustrated parents who talk about these things so openly and passionately at home, putting their children’s athletic records and performance at the top of the family priority list, I worry about how this might affect my son’s relationships with his teammates. This is definitely a stress I want to get rid of.
Selfishly, I need my husband by my side. Because while I already can’t stand a bunch of adults yelling at a kid’s game, now they’re yelling at my husband too. I was alone without a sane confidant by my side as I endured a chorus of voices berating their sons for their perceived lack of effort or intensity. I’ve completed the solo mission
The saddest part is my husband is a great youth coach. He cares about all the right things: character building, having fun, and working together. Add to that a unique understanding of movement and the ability to explain and teach young children effectively, and he does a great job. Oh, and him like It’s – like, a lot. But this year, when I finally sat him down to have a serious discussion about coaching’s shortcomings, he agreed. Because all of the character traits that make him such a great coach make it difficult to tune out all the noise and drama that comes with being a parent. At this point, he was as frustrated and exhausted as I was.
Therefore, he will step down as coach this season. While I am sad that so many young boys will no longer have access to his friendly and effective youth coaching style, I am hopeful that a little bit of family sanity can be restored. As for dealing with parent bullshit without a coach…well, there are earplugs to take care of that.
