In the words of Hillary Clinton, “It takes a village.” She published these words in a book of the same name in 1996, and they still ring true nearly three decades later. Everything is more expensive. The cost of groceries is staggering. Mortgage payments are soaring across the country. Many people go to school simply to afford daycare. Life is hard – even in a village. So, hoping this would make things a little easier, we decided to move our village under one roof. Mimi and Pop Pop are our new roommates!
Multi-generational living is not uncommon. The share of the U.S. population living in multigenerational homes has more than doubled over the past 50 years, according to a 2022 Pew Research Center study. In March 2021, when the study was conducted, there were 59.7 million U.S. residents living with multiple generations under one roof. In many global cultures, children, parents, and grandparents are expected to live under the same roof, or at least on the same property (such as the family compound).
In addition to the added health benefits of older generations living with younger ones, it also makes financial sense. In fact, a Pew Research Center survey showed that 40 percent of respondents cited “financial reasons” for living in a multigenerational household.
For my own family, that’s a big part of it.
In early 2024, we saw a significant increase in the value of our property. We didn’t think much of it until we learned that the new value meant higher taxes. This in turn drained our escrow account and ultimately caused our mortgage payment to double. My partner worked 60 hours a week and I was busy starting a brand new career to help pay our bills.
A similar situation unfolded at my parents’ house in town. Their neighborhoods didn’t see a huge increase in value, but their mortgage payments increased by hundreds of dollars. My 72-year-old father had to come out of retirement and deliver through DoorDash to make ends meet.
All of this happened while we were dragging our kindergartner across town and home so she could be with her grandparents when both parents had to work. Inevitably, our daughter often comes home to two tired, grumpy parents, or one tired, grumpy parent.
To put it bluntly, it sucks.
What does merging households look like for us?
Since our house was larger, the site was larger, and it was more centrally located, it made sense to move my parents here. Consolidating two homes may alleviate some expenses, but strategic room shifting and expansion into unused spaces will still be necessary. So what does it look like to turn two single-generation households into one multi-generational household? If you plan to do this, here are a few things you need to consider.
make room
An important part of the multi-generational occupancy puzzle is making sure everyone has the space they need.
Luckily for all of us, consolidating homes became easier, in part because my parents were downsizing. Plus, we’ve only had it for a few years, so it hasn’t been long enough to fill it with stuff.
Still, we need to repurpose rooms to suit everyone. We are converting our huge home office upstairs into a larger bedroom for my partner and I. We also eliminated the “playroom” and opted to keep our daughter’s toys in her room. Doing so gave my parents a bedroom and a living room. Yes, it can be avoided NCIS A full marathon!
Making space also means giving everyone the mental and emotional space they need, so we also installed extra doors that will muffle the noise and provide space for Mimi and Pop Pop when they don’t want to hang out with their biggest (and smallest) fans Some privacy.
Figure out your financial situation
Sometimes, living in a multi-generational household means leaving a house payment behind. Or, as in our case, you can split the house payment. While my parents would be “paying rent,” half of our mortgage would still be cheaper than their current mortgage.
Once you’ve addressed the main money issue, you have to consider any other expenses that should be shared and which ones can be split. For example, we “cut the cable” years ago, but my parents are still in touch, so they carry that expense with them. Utilities like gas/electricity and water don’t go up that much with their arrival and don’t put a burden on our budget.
However, when the family size doubles, food can become a costly sharing factor.
In our example, the division of groceries, cooking, and kitchen chores falls under “perks.” Currently, I cook and wash dishes for my family, and while I love cooking, I hate washing dishes. Not to mention, I tend to overcook and end up bringing home leftovers (or food waste) with my parents. On the other hand, my parents spent a lot of money on ordering food. With all of us under one roof, I can cook while transferring cleanup responsibilities to one or both of my parents. They can also slash their budget for dining out.
Set ground rules
Ask anyone who lives happily in a multi-generational household, and they’ll likely tell you that setting ground rules upfront is crucial—especially when young children are involved.
For my parents, we were lucky in that they were almost always willing to take care of the children if health allowed (a bonus of being an only child was having an only granddaughter!). However, my father immediately made it clear that they would not be moving in to raise our children. Moving in and cutting back on expenses will allow them to take some of the travel they’ve always wanted to do. Also, as they get older, their health declines, so they don’t want to have the responsibility of caring for their children on bad days. Famous. I just ask them to try comparing calendars for travel and appointments.
One particularly practical ground rule that many people may not immediately think of is decorating. Part of getting my parents to move in was doing a big, necessary purge and agreeing on some design choices. After all, I always want them to feel at home. That being said, if they tried to go to my modern farmhouse in my craftsman bungalow, I would probably drive off a bridge. So, I’m no longer painting their living room black – we’re looking for color options that we can both live with.
Make an escape plan
Living with people is always a trial, and the last thing we want is for this family integration to destroy the shockingly good relationship between grandparents and parents or “in-laws” and partners.
Therefore, we will develop a backup plan to resolve this issue. My mom had been pushing my dad to move into a senior living community for nearly a decade. obstacle? Living spaces are small, prices are often very expensive, and there’s almost always a huge waiting list. Moving to us will allow them to begin the process of downsizing and see if they can manage in a smaller space. It will also be a comfortable place for them to live while they wait years on the waiting list for subsidized senior housing.
Knowing they have an “escape plan” makes it easier for them to bite their tongue and swallow their pride when things aren’t perfect. What if our village under one roof goes well? When their name reaches the top of the waiting list, they always get a pass.
Other ways to bring multi-generational living together
Know your limits. If personal space is extremely important to you and your home doesn’t allow for it, you may need to make a new plan. Or schedule time alone. Agree for everyone (except one or two designated people) to leave the house for a few hours each week so everyone has time to think about their own ideas.
focus on the positive. Multi-generational moves can sometimes be uncomfortable, so it helps to pool the benefits. A cool advantage for me is that I get my “inheritance” early. Our plan had always been that, as an only child, I would receive whatever was left of my parents’ estate after they passed away and the house was sold. Instead, they will use the profits from selling the house now to add a much-needed second bathroom to our home, as well as a ramp for my mom’s easy access.
Create a family schedule. Likewise, a family calendar is crucial if you are sharing errands, household chores, or childcare responsibilities. That way, you know you absolutely can’t participate in a kid-free Zoom when your mom is at the doctor’s office on Friday at 3 p.m.
Work out details and divisions persistently. Don’t get tired of what you’re willing to do or deal with before you move in together. If you need to take out the trash every day, determine who will do it immediately. If parking is limited, pre-assign parking spaces or give keys to everyone in the house.
Go in with a “everyone is home” mentality. If you start out with the thought, “I’m going to move into my parents’ house,” you’ll never feel comfortable. Likewise, if your parents view your home as “your home,” they will always feel out of place. Do what you can to make sure everyone has their own space.
Keep the end game in mind. Feeling a little nervous since you haven’t lived with your parents since high school? Have a proper game plan and goals. Whether that means “once they get to the top of the waiting list, they’ll probably leave” or “I’m just here until I can save $25,000 for a down payment on my own home,” the goal is to be the last ray of light. If things are going well, you can always redefine your goals. But when things don’t go well (and they do), seeing signs of an end makes things feel more tangible.
So… would you consider multi-generational living?
