Between a long workday, PTA meetings, physical training, and endless housework, by the end of the day, most exhausted parents just want to go to sleep. Of course! For many people, sex has been relegated to the back burner. Desire and energy for sex may diminish with parenthood. This doesn’t mean we don’t think Having sex is hard to do sometimes. After a year or two of marriage, the spark between partners may fade a bit.
For those looking to get back on track, one TikTok mom is sharing the simple tips she and her husband use to keep their sex life alive and kicking.
“10 years and 2 kids later, my husband and I are still like a couple three times a week,” Sarah Biggers-Stewart admitted in her TikTok.
“I think it’s something we need to talk about more openly because it’s really hard to navigate…”
She then revealed her list as follows:
- Are you OK?
- It’s important to accept that
- prepare, prepare, prepare
- Nike is right
- literature
- track it
Then she goes to the first one on the list: How are you?
“First. Here I am: How are you? This “How are you?” ” categories include two things: The first is non-sexual, non-physical intimacy. If you feel like your relationship sucks, like you’re doing it all by yourself and you’re not cared for or appreciated, then none of these suggestions will overcome it. This,” she said.
“The back half is physical. After having a baby, it’s common to deal with prolapse, pelvic floor, muscles, dysfunction, scar tissue, pain, and ultimately intimate discomfort. So, before you look any further at this list, You have to address that first thing like stop there and address those issues and then move on.
Next, Genaya advises couples to learn to accept that sex in marriage does indeed matter and should no Become something that needs to be put aside for a while.
“I put this step so high because I think it’s actually the hardest step. It’s the mental step of accepting the importance of sex. When you’re in a rut, especially if you’re the partner with a low libido, It’s easy to get caught up in the mentality of, ‘Why does this matter so much? Do I think our relationship is more than just sex? It starts to feel like an obligation and a burden. Makes you angry,” she explained.
“Sex is one of our most innate drives as humans. It’s literally the reason we’re still here on Earth. It’s also what differentiates most relationships from platonic intimacy to sexual romantic intimacy. Like I can cry and hug and cuddle my friends and family, but I won’t have sex with them. So you can have rich intimacy, but the sex part is unique to monogamous committed relationships. So if you’re in a committed, monogamous relationship that includes a sexual element, it’s not crazy to have an unspoken agreement that you will both work toward a mutually satisfying sex life throughout your life.
Next, Genaya recommends having open and honest communication with your partner about all the realities that may happen during your marriage.
“Third, prepare, prepare, prepare. Especially if this is your first child, I think you can never go wrong with having a more casual, informal conversation about what’s really going on,” she says.
“Talk about how you hope things will go after you have kids in this area. Talk about potential problems that may arise along the way. Discuss what might prevent things from going the way you want. You can’t predict the future. When the time comes , the things you talk about may not be relevant, but at least you lay the foundation.
She then shared an example from her life where she explained to her husband how draining the postpartum experience was and told him she would bleed. Her hormones will be all over the place and she’ll be so touched by nursing.
So she told her husband that she wanted him to follow in her footsteps during the first five months postpartum because that felt like a reasonable time frame to get back on the horse.
“It’s not crazy to be in a relationship and have some conversations and educate your partner and share what you know about something as life-changing as having a baby. So I wanted to have those conversations,” she said .
“Fourth, Nike was right to say ‘just do it.'” Hear me out. Within reason, we have every reason to get back on our feet. If you feel kind of neutral about it, you don’t want it, you don’t really think about it, but you don’t like it, are completely against it. Consider continuing,” she suggested.
Getting started can be an important step toward making a huge difference in your sex life or getting out of sexual drought. As Jenaya said, it’s all based on motivation.
The more sex you have, the easier it will be to have sex and the more often you will get it. The less sex you have, the more important it becomes that you don’t have sex, and the less sex you have.
Number five on Jenaya’s list of tips is for book lovers! Read filth!
“Whatever your level of interest, whatever sub-genre you like, mystery, thriller, fantasy, you can find it, whatever level of writing quality you like, you can find it. What I’m saying is, let Re-engaging yourself with content and consuming some form of sexually charged content can remind you that you are a sexual being,” she explains.
“It reminds you that you are a sexual being who wants sexual things. It can normalize sexual things and even give you inspiration. My husband will attest to that.
Finally, track your gender!
Jenaya continued, “I have a lot of apps now, and you can even use pen and paper to record how often you’re intimate. Now, I’ve done that because it’s my primary form of birth control and it’s been going on for eight years, But I find it very helpful to be able to look back and catch problems before they arise.
Things come up, right? Sickness spread throughout the house. Work gets super busy. The holidays drain our will to live, and then a month goes by and you haven’t had sex.
“Before you know it, it can spiral. Then you’re stuck and you have to take a few steps back on the list to save yourself the trouble.
So you’ve gone through the list, and you’ve decided to yourself that Jenaya’s “three times a week” goal is a little too much for you. Is this normal? The “normal” amount of sex a couple “should” have is completely relative.
However, scientifically speaking, according to the Archives of Sexual Behavior study, the typical American couple has sex 56 times a year. If we all did simple math, that would be about once a week! It seems feasible. To be clear, though, there is no “normal” amount in Kay’s view. We all have our ups and downs when we have sex with our partners! It doesn’t matter!
