The idea of a father being overprotective of his teenage daughter may be as old as the daughter’s existence. On the one hand, yes, we all want to protect our kids from physical and emotional harm, but sometimes dads can lead their kids to weird, and frankly toxic, places. Professor Neil Shyminksy, who posts as @professorneil on TikTok, breaks down what’s wrong with this mentality in a spliced video.
In one video, Shiminski talks about a “teenage girl dad” talking about his 13-year-old daughter having her first boyfriend. (For clarity, we’ll call him “the girl’s dad.”) “I knew this was coming, but I didn’t know if I was ready,” the girl’s dad said. He went on to explain that the boy looked up to him and liked him. Shiminski agrees with all this, until the other father continues: “But as a girl dad, it’s hard to know that the little baby you once held in your arms suddenly has a boyfriend who starts to replace you. “
*records scratches* Yes. We heard it too. So does Szyminski.
“What now?” asked the professor. “I really want to figure out how he could replace you, but every answer I can think of makes me deeply uneasy.”
The girl’s dad went on to share some good news: Apparently, his daughter’s boyfriend is “absolutely scared” of him. Because, despite the boyfriend’s enthusiasm, he is physically threatened because, as the daughter explains to the girl’s dad, “You are big and have a lot of muscles.”
Shiminski was confused. “You want a 13-year-old to be afraid of you? … He’s 13.
However, the girl’s dad was delighted with the turn of events and encouraged viewers to work out in order to be better than his daughter’s boyfriend.
Shiminski is unimpressed.
“I’m usually much bigger than the people around me,” he said. “I measure success by who feels safe in my presence, not how many little kids I scare.”
He went on to explain that while he wants the dating world to be safe for his daughter, physical intimidation is not the answer. A boy who respects a girl out of fear of his father is not actually Show her respect, so she shouldn’t be the first person you want your daughter to date, notes Schimminx. Furthermore, he points out, “If he should respect you and listen to you because your muscles are bigger than his, how should your daughter treat him when she is most likely bigger than her muscles?”
People in the comments agreed with the professor, with the most popular comment simply being “Fear is not respect.”
Sending a child out into the world is scary. Sending them into the world of dating (or, let’s be honest “dating,” when you’re talking about a 13-year-old), knowing the emotional pain that comes with it, is uncharted territory for parents. But perhaps the best approach is to become the kind, compassionate people we want our children to eventually become.
